ED is losing its grip

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Little_me, Feb 16, 2010.

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  1. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I don't expect it to ever fade away to 100%, but I think I've got so much better over the past month.
    But who am I now?
  2. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I secretly stepped on the scale (mom has hidden it from me) today. 117 pounds. I have gained more than 20 pounds since 2008.

    But I don't think I care anymore...
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    go you go go you! :yay:

    was your ED a big part of "who you were?"

    i stepped on the scales too, first time in a year and a half and i've gained 15-20 lbs since 2007 and the main bit is, like you, i don't care and i'm actually pleased.

    how are you feeling? are you excited, worried, scared?

    i just felt amazed like this huge thing had just gone away, cos before, reaching the weight i am now would mean immediate ED behaviour/or suicide attempts.

    i hope the next month goes well for you too. :smile:
  4. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Yes, it has been. I've had different ED:s, mainly anorexia, since I was 11. That's 7 years... So I don't know who I am without the obsessive behavior. Still I can't eat in front of others than my family, everything is "healthy" (no fat, candy, chips, soda with sugar and so on) but I have reached a healthy weight. I haven't done that "chew and spit" thing in a year, and I haven't had any food-related anxiety in weeks. I think it's about to be over now.

    I felt totally indifferent when I saw the numbers on the screen. "OK?" was my plain reaction. That's not like me, I used to freak out completely after stepping on the scale if the result was weight gain... Something has changed.
    Worried? Yes, what will happen now? I'm also a little scared, but overall I don't want to ruin this. It has taken years of struggle, including a suicide attempt, to reach this point... Perhaps this is the last chance of becoming normal once and for all. I want to graduate, have a boyfriend, I want to travel and be able to socialize. I just realized that that hasn't been possible when underweight, it affects my whole person, not just my body.
    So... Mission: eat.

    Wow so you are in the same situation? I wish you good luck too!! You think you have fully recovered? That's amazing and gives me more hope... Again, good luck to you :hug:
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