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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jayedup, Jan 24, 2007.

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  1. jayedup

    jayedup Member

    i have no one to love and never will i have no one to confide in and i never will i have no friends adn never will i want kids but never can i have no feelings but hate anger and pure disgust for those you can and have all the things i want in life i stopped breathin when i was 1 yrs old and was dead offically for 5 and a1/2 minutes ...... i was not meant to live and since that day 22 yrs ago my life has been hell no frinds no luck i have never meet a person who has liked me always the weird kid the weird fat ugly kid and to top it off i can never have the 1 thing i want kids cos god just loves his little jokes but now is the time to leave this world behind i have tried to fit into any group in socity townies rockers indies hip hop alternitive i lost 8 stone been fat thin toned muscular and no matter what i do ppl still look and treat me like shit no one wants me and with this coldness inside like a never ending winter i now need and want no one the time is coming i feel relaxed cold and emotionless with the <mod edit: Malcontent - methods> i have ready after i have finished this last message i will right the wrong of many yrs ago and die i have not cared for so long and i don not know a womens touch i have never felt my skin against skin i am forever lonley.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 24, 2007
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hey you are not alone. I have never known the touch of another either. Though I wish I was blessed like you and was unable to reproduce, I do not want kids. I want to quit this existence all the time. I have never been attractive enough to attract anyone. I have endured a long lonely silence to most people I am not even there.

    We all want someone in our lives. And when no one comes we try to blame others or ourselves. But I think that before I can have others in my life who will love me I have to have acceptance in myself. I don't know maybe I am just yelling into the dark.

    I hope this message reaches you, I would like to help you get through this. Even if the only thing I can offer is advice.
  3. malek

    malek Well-Known Member

    I understand the feeling, when i was 18months i was beaten almost to death by my babysitter because i would not stop crying. She broke both my arms, both my legs, drowned me in the toilet left me for dead in my crib and ran away, my parents found me when they came home 6hrs later and i was barely alive, my heart beat was almost none existant. Ever since then i feel like i never belongued.

    Today i have a wife and 2 kids and the feeling is still there. No ammount of external stimulus will help you if you are not ready to receive it. I learned that the hard way, i love my kids, i ... respect my wife. Yet i would gladly accept death over what they can offer me. Love is simply overrated and fixes nothing unless you are healthy inside.

    if i can, i suggest you work on your self, your confidence and whom YOU are. You'll see once that is done you will be alot more successfull.
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