Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by crookxshanks, Mar 26, 2009.

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  1. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    ok.. so the worst time for me is over. the 7years mark. but talking about it.. admitting it.. i wish i hadnt. its hurting me

    i wish i could say what happened. i really do. i admire those that can but i just cant. its hurting me. maiking me spiral downwards. i can feel it. i can see myself crashing.. i dont want to

    i just wish this had never happened.. that it would all go away

    im not strong enough to deal with this.. other people are. i dont know what to do. my life feels like a living nightmare.. all because i started talking about it.. but i felt like i had no choice.. and i know hes winning

    im so scared.. and i feel so pathetic.. and that all of this is MY FAULT
  2. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    I wish I could help you feel better, that somehow erase the painful memories for good, so they never resurface ever again, erase all the pain you feel.

    What happened to you is in no way your fault, far from it. The fault lies with the person who stole dignity, your faith, your trust, your body and the health of your mind.

    I know that im not being helpful.

    Take care, youre not the bad guy, the person who did this to you is

    A million hugs and love,

    Felix xoxo :hug:
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Mand it's not your fault...What happened was do to a predator being loose on the streets.. You had no way to know that this would happen..I hope it doesn't drag you to far down..You are such a lovely person with a kind heart..Don't let that monster rob you of that..Hold onto your soul..You know that I will always be here for you and you can talk to me about anything..I just want you to be safe and to know you are cared for..
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    Mand, r. is an incredibly painful and long-winded abuse. Please don't feel that you have to be strong. Surviving from those horrific feelings is the best anybody can do.

    Whatever you may feel Mand, it's not your fault. It was never your fault, and you are among friends. Predators are monsters, plain and simple. But you aren't alone in your struggle.

  5. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    i love you.
    it's not your fault, you're actually one of my favourite people in the entire world, and you're such a genuinely wonderful person i don't see how you could ever, EVER imagine bringing something like this upon yourself.
    you've got friends who are gonna help you through all this, stay strong beaut.
  6. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    thank you for the replies..

    but i do feel so alone. i mean this is my experience.. my pain.. my torture. he took everything away from me and i even feel like at times that he took my soul away :cry:

    and however many times im told its not my fault im always going to believe that it is
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Mand I have no doubt in my mind that you feel absolutely isolated and locked away in regards to your trauma, but you are not alone. Not here and not out there.

    I can understand the fear of having your soul taken by the bastard, but nobody can be as sensitive and sweet as you without holding on to their soul. :(

  8. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    Definitely not your fault, that's evidenced by the fact how hurt you are over it. You did not want this. Animals like this should be treated like animals. One day when the shit hits the fan, rapists will be dealt the appropriate amount of punishment swiftly and diligently.
    I hope you feel better. :smile:

  9. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    mand...i didn't see this. i saw something else by you and overlooked this...

    i am so sorry for all you've had to endure in your life. you are such a lovely woman, and like a daughter to me, one i am really proud of. i wish i could take all this away from you and shelter and coddle you.

    please lean on me -

    my wish is for you to pass through this fire, and come out being able to see what a treasure and gift you are to everyone who knows you.

    your friendship is a gift to my life - i love you xx
  10. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    im sorry for bringing this thread out again but it feels like its a safety net for me

    the flashbacks are getting worse.. the nightmares are getting worse. and i dont know what to do. ive tried everything

    i have my boyfriend who feels like its his fault whenever he holds me in a certain way. hes understanding of it all but i then have to explain everything to him.. that its not his fault.. and it gets me on edge because of everything being my fault yet again. and then everything gets worse.

    the more i talk the worse things get.. and im scared.. getting more scared by the day

    everyday im left curled up in a ball crying my eyes out and it just feels like no one notices me when i have to struggle with all of this

    its always going to be my fault.. no matter what anyone tells me :blub:
  11. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Always here for you Mand! I know how difficult it is to feel the way you are. I understand the feelings you are having. Don't push yourself so hard hunni, healing comes in time. Some people take less time than others, and some take several years ..but be gentle to yourself . I hope you can realize one day that what happened was not in your control, but happened because someone else wanted control!

    Now you have to gain that control back, and not let the bastard win!!!!


    you know how to reach me anytime!
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mand I have to agree with Karren . healing takes time.. And you can't let that bastard keep stealing your life from you.. You are such a loving and caring person. I wish you could see all the good you do instead of having flashbacks to something that was totally out of your control..You didn't ask for this to happen...I know how you feel, because I was molested at age 12 by a man in my neiborhood. By age 13 I had let it eat at me so long I tried to drown myself and came damn close in succeeding..I was able to put it to rest after a few years.. That is what you need to do.. You need to come to terms with it and realise it wasn't your fault.. We will always be here to help you with your struggle..Love ya sweetie...
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