Efforts to Cope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nightfallagain, Aug 25, 2013.

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  1. nightfallagain

    nightfallagain Well-Known Member

    Considering my options is as important a habit to acquire as is making decisions and taking action, but thoughts keep whirling around in my head that I'd be better off dead.
    Perhaps it is time to stick my head out of my shell and partake , rather than contemplating the why's and wherefores of the world around me. Not everything needs to be carefully planned and managed, but my plans should include a good mix of needs and desires. At the very least, taking joy in simple things. Socializing on a small scale may be just what I need to quench which has been that unquenchable thirst of my soul. Besides, experience is a vital part of my life-path journey.. I shall be cautious though, taking no one’s words, nor appearances, as the truth. Generally, it's easier to say "yes" than "no," as it is more pleasing to fulfill rather than disappoint. However, saying "no" can give me the freedom to get what I really want. Therefore, "pleasure" is not always easy to come by. A restrictive force seems to be holding me back from taking action on my thoughts. Tears are welling up inside, reminding me to add a touch of conservatism to what it is I have planned. My mind, working hard to become in harmony with my heart. I'm trying to avoid righteous indignation, whining, prideful anger, or self-pity. Doing my best to move through life in as simple and powerful a manner as possible, but it seems whatever I am looking for, just keeps moving further and further away from me. I am being forced downward without any control, anxieties elevated, with a sense of failure and inferiority. I have lost my foothold and there is nothing I can do to hold on - frustrated as the voice is not being heard. Everyday seemingly more unstable and turbulent.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you reach out to someone around you to help you get your foothold back again hun small steps ok at a time to get some stability back Good that you are posting here that is one good step hugs
     
  3. nightfallagain

    nightfallagain Well-Known Member

    Worries haunt my thoughts...these thoughts haunt my existence. Reaching out to someone only causes more inner intensity. My own mind has oddities that even I do not understand and I am safer emotionally, as I am likely to say something I regret later, to isolate myself in a comfortable way. Others say I make a big deal out of nothing, but inside I always feel anxious. Knowing when to stop and when to go forward can be a real source of anxiety of trusting anyone. I have a habit of doing things that release some tension, but this has brought about too much attention from others. Everyone will be satisfied with my progress and will be touched by my "openness" in the days and weeks to come. It has taken some time for me to see this, but there's no going back. I have never had the courage to step over the line before, but my need to do what I feel is right fuels this fire.
    Thanks anyways
     
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