I don't know where to post this. But since it makes me depressed, I'll put it in the Depression forum. Sometimes I can't help but just feel as if my emotions will just take over. I don't even know what causes me to feel a certain way most of the time. Looking at everything, my life has never been as bad as most of the peoples' lives on SF, so I shouldn't feel the way I feel. But I just can't help it. And then I feel so stupid for feeling the way I feel, like I shouldn't be allowed to feel this way. And I've realized that whoever it was that said I might push people away because I may come off as needy is right. I need and expect too much out of everyone. But I think it's because for so long I've depended on only myself for comfort when I needed it because my parents sure as hell were never there when I needed someone to comfort me and neither were my so called friends. And I keep thinking that maybe if I weren't so needy, maybe then my friends would actually stay around. I'm just going to have to learn how to shutup even more. Pretend everything's fine when it's not (I already do that but I'm going to have to work on it). I've always been able to mask how I feel. That began when Jessica moved in. I also can't help but wonder if bottling up all these emotions is the reason why I can't sleep. It doesn't matter anymore though. Emotions are going to be bottled up anyway, even if they kill me.
