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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beauutyy, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    i never really want to kill myself.
    i always feel fine,and want to help others.
    but lately,i feel aweful.
    im so heartbroken.and i should've been more careful. and i've been like this so many times but i thought it was real.and everything felt so real. he wont speak to me,and i've given up trying to contact him anymore.i fear that im going to just be some man's play toy for the rest of my life,and i wont ever feel LOVE. :sad: i mean,that's how i've always been treated...

    they say things happen for a reason,then why is this happening? to make me into the old person i hated? the sudicial fuckup? i dont want to be like that.and im trying my hardest not too. i really dont and didnt like that lifestyle. i've thrown up so much today,and i cant eat anything cause i feel worse then. all that goes in my head is 'you need to harm yourself or die' andd im just shaking all over,or i was alot worse last night. i couldnt bear with myself. i looked in the mirror and realized,im so worthless,and hideous. all i could do was cry. and no one was there. i laid down,and cryed myself to sleep just wishing i could go. but i guess for the sake for the sake of the people i love,despite if they love me or not,i'm staying for them.

    i just wish that men werent so dumb all the time[no offense to any guys],i know not ALL men are. buut i just hurt right now.im sorry.
  2. Bograt

    Bograt Active Member

    Don't be sorry for sharing your pain Beauty, thats what we and this forum are here for. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, as hard as it may be to feel, you are not a bad person for the shitty things other people do to you. It hurts me to think of all the pain some people cause others for no reason, you just need to realize that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way, just about everyone (except for those annoying hyper-neurotic "happy all the time" people that I want to apply blunt force trauma to) would feel terrible if they were in your situation.

    I wish there was more I could do to help other than let you know we are here for you or maybe a joke or two.

    P.S. BTW, I'm a guy and yes, there are quite a few of us that are dumb. But not all of us! :tongue:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think sometimes, stuff happens...no higher power stuff, no fate stuff...just life is sometimes difficult to live and even more difficult to not feel ashamed over...please continue to reach out and PM me if I can help...also, the guy who will not speak to you...his loss!!! find someone who will appreciate your Beauty...big hugs, J
  4. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    haha bograt,you made me giggle.and thankss.
    andd im sure you're not dumb *hugs*
  5. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    thankyou sadeyes,i appreicate it..alot.made me feel a bit better *hugs for you too*
  6. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear about things going bad beauutyy. There are truly decent guys out there for you. You need to give yourself a better opinion of yourself as hard as it seems. When you look in the mirror notice the good things about yourself as well. I know there will be, everyone has good things abou themselves. Then, think, "hang on, what the hell does it matter what I look like?, i'm a decent loving person and I will make a real good partner for someone in time and I know I will because I want that sort of treatment back."
    I've lived with body problems and thinking myself worthless and horrid for a very long time and the best thing I did was learn to try and love things about myself. That way, those things that you love will also have a say so when those voices are saying "harm yourself", other ones can say, "wait a minute, think about it for a second first".
    Stay safe :hug:
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hey beauty. Sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now. The guy who broke up with you was probably a jerk anyhow. Maybe it happened for the best. Don't be so hard on yourself hun. You're a beautiful, sweet and caring person and you deserve to be with someone who will treat you well and love you. Don't lose hope in men. We aren't all idiots, but many of us sure act like it. I'm here if you need to talk. :hug:
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