ema unmasked

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ema, Oct 9, 2010.

  1. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    people here think of me as naive, quirky, a little odd...

    but, nobody really knows me. nobody in real life or here. and i can't talk about it on chat. nobody really wants to know.

    but, i've got to tell somebody, somewhere and then forget about it.

    ema is empty and sad. just an empty shell which echos with noises. and so, so sad all the time.

    i don't have anybody to really talk to. my interests are too boring to the normal person. i love animals. i love to watch things, like bugs and flowers. if i had a microscope, i would be staring in it all the time. i don't have to know anything about what i'm looking at, i just love to look. it i had a telescrope i would be glued to it. i like colors; actually, what color i choose tells who i am at the moment. i adore trees. sour candy and lemons are yummy to me. i could read for days at a time and never notice the world go by. babies and children fascinate me. I remember being one and watching them is a wonder. i love spicy food. i crochet. i'm wildly imaginative. i am an academic with an active mind, and i love to research and think.

    but, nobody likes academics. they are snotty and all sorts of other things i've been told. i'm either too simple or too smart. why can't i just be simple and smart? I don't like getting all hot and sweaty when i go for a hike. i don't get my house clean enough. i can't focus to get school finished. i'm shy in public. i like to stay home, going out makes me nervous and takes all my energy. i'm not thin and pretty. I have grey hair. i don't like to be around people who complain about everything. i don't like to be forgotten. but, i'm not memorable. i'm 'nice' but nobody tells my anything. i never really know what's going on. i'm boring. i have hot flashes and they humiliate me.

    most of all, i'm just sad. sad, sad, sad. i don't want to be alive. i don't die because i made a promise. that's all. i don't break promises and i don't lie. so, i live. everyday is sadder than the next. i don't cry anymore. the tears dried up long ago. i'm tired of being sad. sad, sad, sad. i don't even laugh anymore. i don't remember that feeling.

    i come here to feel better. but, sometimes, i feel just as lost as anywhere else. sometimes i just watch the emotes for entertainment. such a sad stupid life.

    i love everybody who has embraced me here. i can't thank them enough. i don't know why you seem to like me so much, but i'm so thankful.

    that's all. my story told, unraveled. a story blowing in the wind....
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Ema I'm glad you shared 'you' with us...I think you sound really interesting, caring and sensitive..
    I'm sorry you're so sad...I understand being alone and sad..

    I also understand the grey hair, the hot flashes, being shy, being not slim and pretty, being fascinated with children, "i don't like to be forgotten. but, i'm not memorable. i'm 'nice' but nobody tells my anything. i never really know what's going on. i'm boring"... oh how I relate to what you said ema..
    I don't think you sound quirky or odd...
    You are unique so be true to yourself..
    maybe post on the forum more so we can support you...take care
  3. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    Don't think for a second that anything about yourself is too boring or not exciting enough for anyone else. There are plenty of people that share the same interests as you, but they probably also enjoy staying at home instead of being out in public all the time, so they're usually harder to meet. There's nothing wrong with liking academics and the process of learning new things all the time. One thing I learned from school, is the people that mock you for enjoying things like that only do it because they feel inferior to you. They feel worse about themselves because they don't understand something when you seem to enjoy it plenty, and grasp the concepts.

    Thanks for sharing all of that with us though. :)
    :sleepy: <- my favorite emote :p
  4. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I think its cute that you like
    To look at the emoteicons lol. I do that too.
    I like the little ducky. And :tumbleweed:
    And there was one that was my fav..
    :mortdesino: or something..
    But it doesn't work anymore ):
    It was the one with the turnip being
    Pulled out of the ground and It gets mad
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You certainly write well. and you are not boring in the least.
    I too am a looker of things. Love animals nature colors they are all wonderful things I have gray hair too i tell everyone that show wisdom i am overweight but i give bigger hugs that way. You are beautiful unmasked ema and i am grateful you revealed to us the real you. You have talent and you have a scientist mind what a caring soul no not boring at all but someone very interesting. Hope to hear more about you soon :hugtackles::tiger:
  6. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    Such sweet things. How can I thank you?

    I love to look and I love to think, but I have nobody to talk to. I was called an academic snob just the other day. I don't mean to be, I just forget...I somehow think that everybody can follow me...not that I'm a snob, just that I never think "down" of people. I hate hurting people that way. I love to teach college/university; I love to actually see as people suddenly understand something or ideas come forth. But, I can't stand the mean, cruel and petty politics of the field.

    But, then the "academics" think I'm silly because I love the simple things. The *stars and *duck and little bitty birds walking around the food court. Or crayons. I love crayons. I love to watch ants. I love to watch my big fat bumble bee that comes every morning and stares at me, the two of us literally nose to nose. I love the hummingbirds that sit on my feeder in the morning having their sugar break. I love Scaredy, my squirrel, even if he does keep putting nuts in my rose bush. I adore the way my pug sticks her tongue out and will only play with cow shaped toys. I love the silly grin on my niece's face and they way she tells me that 'j' is on vacation when she leaves it out of the alphabet song.

    I hate people who manipulate for attention and adoration. I hate conflict and complaining because that's all one can do. I hate meaness. I hate crying in a gas station parking lot at night because I just can't take it anymore. I hate having a degenerative eye disease and diabetes and I really hate that they aren't my fault and I can't get rid of them. I hate that my brother, the kindest man I know, has macular degeneration at the age of 42. I hate that his wife died two years ago and I had to do the funeral and had no idea what to say to a crumpled human spirit. Sometimes, I hate God for all the struggles I have, with money and weight and finishing school, and for not making any sense.

    But, I love coming here to the funny emotes and people who have no idea who I am but love me anyway. I am humbled that I come back from a trip away and a *duck is added just for me. I love that my doctor loves you all.

    ema unwrapped is a strange spectacle. she's many people, has many names, uses many colors. she never tells her "real" name because she hates it and that person isn't allowed here. but, nobody minds. ema is ema and ema is ok when she's here.

    thank you all for letting ema unwrap and for liking her anyway.
  7. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Ema hun I :wub: you and will never forget you. I like crayons too!
  8. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Ema, you are amazing. Reading that..i don't know i am kind of speechelss.

    I only wish i knew myself like you do. I think the things you like are beautiful...and you are a beautiful person. It comes through your words.

    I wish i could take away your sadness.
  9. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i know what you mean. :biggrin:

    you make sense to me and like yourself i love emotes and they used to be the highlight of coming to forums years back when i was losing time.

    your love of "the simple things" can be the most powerful. you might not see yourself as beautiful but i see your beauty here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2010
  10. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    i'm the one who's speechless. you all make me feel so welcome.

    no wonder i take you to dinner and the grocery store all the time!

    i wish the world were a nicer place for people as nice as all of us.
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    i'm envious of your garden btw :biggrin: and the joy you get from it.

    do you draw things the way you talk about them? like the bumblebee and the hummingbirds- i am completely jealous you have no idea :D my mornings (if i'm up) are pretty dull compared to yours.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2010
  12. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I love all the same things you do and have many similar interests including astronomy and recently got a great telescope and I have been glued to mine. I could tell you some things I've seen and try to get accross how amazed I am. I also love the sciences, opera, classic lit., Shakespeare...

    Come on...do we have anything in common? I think so...

    I think the only thing I saw that I don't have in common is grey hair (mine falls out instead LOL) and I'm male so I don't get hot flashes...

    But, I love nature...I love kids (though I never married and don't have any) and I got a dog recently...so I will pm you and see if you want to continue talking. I'd love to

    Thanks for sharing your story...

    There's nothing wrong with you...:hug: take care...hope to talk to you soon!

  13. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I have a strange love of metaphors and your
    Unwrapped comment amuses me. Lol.
    I need to unwrap myself Too. :D
    Maybe we can be gifts to the world?
    Lame and corny I know. Laugh. XD
  14. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Beauty comes from within and you have tons. x
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i couldn't have said it better!
    :hugtackles: ema
  16. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    hi ema how are you ? you sound like my kind of friend :)
  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    ema is also very good at writing..:thumbup::hug:
  18. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    i have been told i'm a good writer and speaker for a long time. i don't know. but, i do love to write.

    my poor garden is done for the season. it's not a fancy one, just the pots on the deck, mostly. Plus my trees, Pear, Peach, the Dogwood triplets, Little Guy (who is no longer little), Geisha, and all my good old hardwords that stand so tall. There's the pink rose in the oddest corner in the front. I would love to move her, but i won't because I just know she's there for somebody lost, a cat or dog or maybe a hamster. Why else would she always bloom so faithfully? Whoever is buried there must have been loved deeply.

    But, alas, the roofers today mussed everybody up, even stuck another pot in with the one rose. Consider the rudeness! How would you feel if a pot were put in your room? My, my, my.

    We sat in the house today, me and Goblin and the cats, while the roofers gave the house a new hairdo while sounding as if they planned to demolish the rest. But, we can go outside now and see such a beautiful new do on our house. Now, she just needs a new dress.

    Thank you all for such kind thoughts. I don't know what I would do without this place and all of you. It's home.