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ema's no good

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ema

Antiquities Friend
#1
ema's losing it. i feel like an abandoned building that is crumbling from inside. nobody notices or cares. i have nobody to talk to. everybody just tells me to leave my spouse, but they don't listen to how complicated that is. i would have no income, lose my insurance, lose my access to resources, and have to live with my mother. very, very bad consequences. even if i could force him to pay me some and pay for my insurance, it would take time to take him through the courts for that. it's not a practical solution.

i'm lost. i'm alone. my family won't deal with me because i won't leave him or my mother nags me to leave. his family treats me like a leper.

i can't focus. i can't think. i can't do anything. i don't want to do anything. i want to stop trying. just give up. just fade off and leave the body sitting there. if only i could die. just too tired to care anymore.

he says i'm lazy, mean, cruel. i don't know. maybe i am. i made bad choices. it's my fault. i screwed it all up. and now i'm miserable and alone and so sad it hurts.

i'm going to give up. just give up. there's no point. i screwed it up and i can't fix it. nobody will ever love me again. no reason to keep trying at this weird life. nobody will even notice. that i know.
 

tweetypie

Antiquities Friend
#2
Thats not true its not all your fault ..maybe you do need to leave your husband but that has to be your decision. Is there no womens refuges ? no friend you can stay with ? maybe you could get a job to support yourself (if these arent viable options then i apologise but i dont know your exact situation) maybe if you cant work you could claim ssi or relative benefit in your country. I wish i had easy answer for you but i hope you keep posting and let us know how things are xxxx
 

ema

Antiquities Friend
#3
i'm in the middle of trying to get ssdi, but my lawyer's paralegal just won't do anything. i filed for dire need and social security accepted it and now they are stuck waiting on her, which hurts my case. i'm filing a complaint with the bar association this week. but, that will probably make it worse, not better...

i don't qualify to go to shelters or other help because my husband makes just over the line, and they always insist on that, even though i want out. i don't understand any of it.

i'm so lost
 

lightbeam

Antiquities Friend
#4
*hugs for ema!*

I'm so sorry that this is what it's come down to my ema! :hug: It took me three years to get SSDI, and it may well take as long for you. Is it fair? No. Is it worth it? Yes. I know I don't have all the answers.

However, I know that you are trying your hardest to keep everything together. I wish I could help you financially. I really do. But I can't, because of all the child support they are taking out of my SSDI. I only get 250 a month after all the child support.

If it were any more, I would gladly help! :hug:

Stay strong for the duckies! They need you!
 
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