So it's 12:30 am and I've found myself sleepless and thinking back on my suicide attempt, which I hate doing but I can't seem to control what I think about. I'm posting in hopes that it will stop haunting me once i get it out and see others' responses. A little back info: In March 2010 at 20 years old, I moved out of my parents house, two hours away and started a completely different life that turned out to be a disaster. I moved in with two boys that were in a relationship (I'm a female). I wasn't really on good terms with one of the boys upon moving in and after moving in it just got worse and worse. I had lied about something in the past and after that he never believed anything I ever said again. Literally everytime I had a story to tell whatever it was he would accuse me of making it up. I felt ignored, alone, and after I fell out with both of them, completely isolated. I was drinking, and doing drugs a lot more than I ever had. At the time I was not aware that I had an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder that, when introduced to all these conditions, exploded. One day in late May almost three months after moving I decided to O.D. However, because I had been told by my manager that if I called off again I would be let go, I decided to go into work after taking all the pills with intentions to "go home sick". (Why, if I was trying to kill myself I cared about keeping my job I will never understand.) Things did not go according to plan and once the pills kicked in I could barely control my actions. After a co worker questioned me about my bizarre behavior, without realizing it, I told her what I did. So she had my manager call 911 and they hauled me out on a stretcher to an ambulance in front of the entire store and all my co workers (including one of my roomates) saw, and knew everything. I was so embarrassed because I knew everyone thought I did it just for attention because who wouldn't. So after my hospital stay I went home to my parents for two weeks. I returned June 10th, my relationship with my roomates was shot they had no respect left for me if they ever did, and on June 28th ended up getting drunk with my roomate and breaking everything in the apartment and trying to stab him as a result of him yet again calling me a liar and saying very, very rude things to me. Needless to say I got my stuff and moved out on July 3rd I am now living with my sister far far away, trying to get on with my life, but after 3.5 months I am still finding it very difficult. I keep thinking constantly about my roomates and the friendships I lost. I keep thinking about what life I could have had if I stayed there and wouldn't have acted so crazy. I feel like I made so much progress there but it was all just torn away from me and I was forced to start over and I'm pissed about it. Anyway, I apologize for the length, if you read the whole thing thank you so much, anything anyone has to say will appreciated positive or negative thanks.