Emm, Hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by sully, Nov 15, 2012.

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  1. sully

    sully New Member

    emmm, i should introduce myself shouldn't i? Well i'm 17, and i've been depressed ever since 2007, so it's four years? Now that i think about it a year old child should NEVER be depressed especially when they are still at a young age. I've gone on and off from depression, so there will be a couple of months or days when I'm the most happiest person alive and everything is going great and stuff, and then there is the remaining days were i'm being hit with the realization that i've created an illusion to make everyone think that i'm happy but i'm practically dying inside. I've attempted suicide pretty much everyday and i self-harm myself with a compass, i know what's wrong with me?
    But i don't want to feel like this. Every year i get worse and worse, i haven't told my parents, hell i can't, i mean my mother is a single parent looking after 6 children and she's struggling to cope, there is no way in hell i can put another burden for her to carry when she has got enough on her plate. The last thing i want to do is to see my mother cry, for her to feel as if she had failed as a mother when she hasn't, she's been the best mother anyone could have and i love her for that, to smile even when my father was a jackass, she is a strong woman which s the only reason why i haven't fully killed myself because i can't. Which is why i want to stop. I don't like medicine, i don't like therapist because after all these years of keeping this pain inside i've learnt to be anonymous and not admit my pain and suffering publicly. I also suffer from low-self esteem, and social anxiety, which makes it difficult for me to make friends or enter a social gathering.

    Well, why do i feel depressed? well i'm panasexual and bi gender but i come from a religious background, which lead me to believe that i am a dysfunctional person and abnormal because it isnt right "right" which lead me to hate myself for being different. Collage, essays, expectations, all of these lead me to believe that i'm unworthy, i'm pathetic, or that i'm not needed and the world would better of without me.

    Why am i saying all of this?
    Because i don't think i can take it any more. And i'm scared of what i might be capable of. help? If possible i would like to get better through this site which satisfies my anonymity and doesn't require me to take medications or seek therapist. If i can't then i guess i have no choice but to seek a therapist.
  2. wecouldfightcrime

    wecouldfightcrime Active Member

    :new: and also 17, like you. maybe we can be friends?

    yeah i know how it feels to not want to let the side down. a pat on the back for you for coming here :)
  3. sully

    sully New Member

    yeah that would be great, i'm up for it!
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi sully nice to meet you. Lots of caring people here hun Is there any councelor you can talk to a teacher perhaps someone you trust Depression hun can be caused by stress by lack of sleeping not eating well ect I do hope hun you continue to reach out here but i also hope you talk with your mom ok she is there for YOU hun as for the other children. I know you think you are helping by not reaching out hun but she deserves a chance to help you. I would want to know if my daughter was so sad hugs to you
  5. akalee_786

    akalee_786 Banned Member

    Always have open ears.. I'm around your age too so If you need help you know where to luck and welcome best of luck here
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiyas and welcome to the forum!
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