Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by InnerStrength, Apr 30, 2007.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I've thought alot about the price of emotion. Yes, with it there is the potential to be happy. But, there is also the potential for much, much suffering. With all the defenses I built, my capacity to enjoy things in life has dwindled, but that's not so with the negative emotions. It seems like the negative emotions are always there, under the surface. Without effort they appear out of nowhere (which is natural, granted), but happiness seems to be a daunting challenge. It never comes naturally, always requiring a high level of maintence, and can be crashed in an instant. The darker emotions seem to take an eternity to conquer. An then they're waiting for you as soon as you turn around. So I've come to the conclusion that emotion...just isn't worth it. *sigh* I should just get a lobotomy.
  2. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    I concur.

    If you don't let your emotions hurt you, you are impervious. No one and nothing can hurt you.
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Life shouldn't be like that, though! This is just so damn unfair! I shouldn't have to sacrifice happiness because of suffering! Without happiness, what's the point of life? None, I tell you.
  4. I agree!
  5. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    So the purpose of life is the search for happiness?
  6. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Perhaps it's not the sole purpose, but it should definitely play a key role. The purpose of life really boils down to human emotion, I think.
  7. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i hear ya when you talk about emotions. i had been ruled by them most ok all of my life up until the last month or so. i had been in the hospital so so so many times because of the darker side of things but i've grown sick of it. so i decided it was time to take a different approach to things. there are things that i can't change right away and all i can do is what i can do. it's hard to explain how this works for me, but on the whole it has worked. i have experienced two times going from being really happy to totally crashing even to the extent of one nite spending an overnite in the hospital. it's taken constant effort to set the stouf aside and deal with it as the time approaches.

    i hope for you that you won't always be ruled by your emotions but you can learn or find a healthy way to rule them. it is possible even though it doesn't feel like it. best wishes to you.
  8. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    I don't understand how you arrived at this conclusion. I don't understand how any of you can come up with a purpose to life and justify it sufficiently. It all seems like this illusions we've put up for ourselves, so that we may believe that there is a purpose and live accordingly. I can't see it.
  9. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I'm not saying there is justification in such a purpose. It's really quite simple, for the truly apathetic there is no purpose, because they don't care about anything. For those who are still in touch with their emotions, they are able to percieve a purpose. Your emotions are what drive you, thus creating purpose. I'm not saying the purpose created by emotion isn't flawed, but it's the only way to get purpose. Or instinct. I hope I have made myself clear now.
  10. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the best wishes. But I don't know if I can reign in my emotions by myself. I think I need to see I psychologist or psychiatrist...or I'll be dead by next year. I doubt I'll find anyone competent enough to help me.
  11. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    It's not the purpose of life but the purpose of us living and why we do it. and it is because of happiness. Happiness is a fundamental need to us humans, just like flowers need light, and without happiness our hearts wither and die just like a flower in the dark. No matter what circumstances there are, everyone can find a source of light, wallowing in the dark is.. I would say our fault.. but sometimes our brains cant help it. But with strength we can fight the demons of our mind and find the light.
  12. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    I don't understand. I can't see.
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    We don't have to make ourselves impervious to emotional pain, otherwise we cannot be truly happy. But it IS important to have a few things in life that really satisfy you or that you really enjoy so that if something goes wrong (say a significant other breaks up with you), you still have a support system and other things in your life. A job you really like, volunteering to help others who are unfortunate, good relationships with family and friends. It is important for you to try to establish these things in your life so that the loss of one of them does not send you into a total collapse. Rather than insulating yourself from everything, open yourself UP to everything, so you have MANY things in life from which you derive joy, a sense of self-esteem, whatever. You can't totally insulate yourself, but you can build up a life full of many wonderful things that are worth living for. That way, if you are deprived of one of these things, although you may become depressed, life is still worth living and you can make it through. This will lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life in general, and is much healthier too! Good luck :)
  14. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    I agree with everything you said peanut0017. Sadly, of all the things you listed, I don't have any of them. It's all my fault, a deliberate distancing from the world, behavior that is at best mentally unhealthy, and at worst completely devastating. I know I should try and improve, but at this state I'm just so tired (literally). I can barely get up and go to my pathetic job anymore.

    My muscles ache, my eyes are burning when I wake up, I have at times chronic back pain. I really need to go and see a doctor, but I'm just too tired (I guess you could say lazy) to make an appointment, and too scared as well. Along with all this, I have social anxiety. All of these things I have to tackle at once because they've gotten so severe which is my own fault I guess. Thanks for the advice, maybe someday soon I'll be able to use it.
  15. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You really should go to the doc. I'm something of a hypochondriac and so I always dread that something serious is wrong with me. But I make myself go to the doctor anyway, and it is such a feeling of relief when he tells me my symptoms are not serious.

    Also, I really believe that you can build a truly happy life for yourself. I know the depression can be exhausting, but little by little, you can do it. Maybe start out finding a hobby you have always wanted to pick up, a skill, a language, kung fu :) , whatever. Then just build on that. The more you try to bring things into your life that have real meaning for you, the more your life will mean to you as a result.

    As a side note, taking some sort of class (especially something physical like kickboxing or martial arts) can realy improve your self-esteem and self-confidence.

    Just try to take it in baby steps and eventually, you will have a life that you can learn to love.

    Hang in there k? :hug:
  16. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, I was diagnosed with having a spinal degeneration disease, which can cause other health problems, but I went to a chiropractor, probably not the best move. See, the thing is, a lot of people with mental health issues are misdiagnosed when there is an actual physical problem causing those symptoms. I think I know what's wrong with me, but I'm just to embarressed to see a doc about it (again), it was embarressing enough the first time. In my case, I would feel horrible if the doc said nothing was wrong with me because I feel like I'm decaying.

    As for getting hobbies to help with depression, it's a good idea, but I wouldn't even no where to start. I should probably start going to college to occupy my time, but it feels so intimidating. But I know that doing this would be socially good for me.

    I have a question, though, when you said "a life you can learn to love," what exactly did you mean by that? I'm sure it wasn't anything ill-intensioned, I'm just curious.
  17. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I know what you are going through with the doc. My Mom felt TERRIBLE and exhausted for months and went to the doc and he basically said she was fine. She busted out crying right there in the office. Turns out, she had a hormonal problem. Once she had a hysterectomy, she was fine, but it was so frustrating for her to be told there was nothing wrong with her! That said, if you have physical problems, you should try to get up the courage to go to the doc. They've seen EVERYTHING anyway. My brother in law is a doc and during his internship, he had the most horrible stories (one involving having to manually disimpact a man's colon because he had a mental disorder where he would refuse to go to the bathroom until it almost killed him). So basically, nothing that is wrong with you could be as embarrassing as that :)

    You are right about taking some classes! If you find the classes too intimidating at first, try some of the more fun classes they offer. My old uni offered a wine and cheese tasting course that was AWESOME and really fun, without the pressure of grades and things like that.

    Also, as far as my comment about a life you can learn to love, I only meant that with your depression, you may feel drained and overwhelmed, and that's a crap feeling. I think you would find that if you started doing more little by little and finding things you have a passion for, you will become much more energized and find more things you really like about life, which will cause your depression to fade. Ideally, after a while, the things you like about life will outweigh the things you don't, and you will find yourself looking forward to things.

    And try to remember re: your social anxiety that most people are so concerned about how they look to other people, they won't even notice your own insecurities. Little by little, you will become more comfortable around others and start to become energized by their company.

    Feel better :)
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