emotional abuse?

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by foreverYoung180, Mar 30, 2010.

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  1. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    While I was growing up, my dad had a very uncontrollable temper. He would just lose it. He only got physically abusive on 2 different accounts: one where he hit my mother, and had tried to have a fist fight with my brother. But many times he would walk that thin line between punishment and abuse with me and my 2 sisters. I always knew he was different, but was it abuse? i feel like it was some emotional abuse. First of all, he was a workaholic (still is) so he was never home. when he did come home later at night, he wouldn't play with us or hang out with any of us kids. He acted like we were more of a bother. When he did try to take us out and do something (bike riding, zoo,etc) he would simply get mad and yell because yeah we were kids and complained,etc...He was always so adamant about how he was always right, his way was always the right way.

    i used to be so afraid of him...he'd yell so loud (it was pretty scary) and throw things...scream at my mother. he would tower over you to intimidate you...i always thought he was going to hit me. he pushed me, shoved me, screamed in my face, grabbed my arm..but never hit me. i kinda wish one time that he wouldve because i wouldve killed him.

    i cannot count the number of times my father has said he has hated me...and i don't mean just "oh, i hate you..." haha. i mean scary, mean hateful..."i hate you!" he always blamed us for getting mad, always losing his temper. we simply brought it on...always us. I was either an "ungrateful bitch" or my sister was a "little *****" or we were constantly "whiny brats". He used to pick me up from games late at night (i was a cheerleader)...i would be tired and wouldn't want to talk...because all we ever do is fight when we talk. So, he fighted with me about not talking. and even refused to take me home until i was nicer to him. all the meanwhile yelling at me calling me names, etc. WTF? crazy much..he thought everything was always about him, it could never be about anyone else. He cared more about losing his jobs than losing his kids.

    there's so much more to it, but hard to simply put into words and feelings. all i know is i will forgive him for the way he treated me, but never for the way he has treated my mother. she didn't deserve this, she couldve done so much better. (yeah, shes still with him) this constant treatment has put down her self-esteem. and has burdened her life...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i am sorry you have to see and hear the abuse to your mother and sister and to feel it yourself. Perhaps now you are older you can tell your father he needs to get into some therapy get help to stop the abuse
     
  3. foreverYoung180

    foreverYoung180 Well-Known Member

    he doesnt think he does anything wrong, and will never admit to anything he has done wrong. My mom tried to get him to counseling years ago. but, he's simply stuck in his ways. i can't tell him what to do. trust me, ive tried that. he'll just yell and get pissed off. and somehow it'll turn into my fault. ive given up on the idea of ever having a good relationship with him. and i just feel resentful towards him because i feel a lot of the problems ive had came from him. but i guess i can't really blame him. Im only just like him in so many ways..and i hate that :cry2:
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    then get councilling for you therapy for you to help you deal with your pain your anger. You can only take care of you now okay Do it now to stop the abusive cycle.
     
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    i lived the same like you:sad:
     
  6. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about this. *hug Emotional abuse is just one of those things that is hard to figure out if its occurring because there aren't any physical marks left behind. The abusers just look like a regular john doe while in public everyone may think that they're great. My father is an emotional abuser himself. I'm not sure but I think it stems from the fact that he likes to be in control and sort of have things done his way. As a result, my mom has very low self-esteem and doesn't like to interact with people. She won't pick up phone calls at home and hates going outside. I feel if my dad was different, if he were encouraging of my mom, things would be different right now. Take care of yourself, okay? There isn't any reason why anyone should hate you. Your dad was wrong for saying those things. If you think therapy may help to just talk, vent and discuss your feelings, do it. At least you'll take care of the emotional scars that you have this way. *Hug
     
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