Emotional Breakdown

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LostInMyDaydreams, Sep 24, 2016.

  1. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I've been bottling so much in for so long. The blanket was over me as I was sleeping and I wasn't feeling really good. My mother wanted me to go to my Aunt's and I didn't, my mother started hitting me, though the blanket was covering me. I yelled at her and cussed her out. Told her how my step father doesn't treat me this way and how she shouldn't be treating me this way after everything I've been through this way. I explained to her how he's gentle and loving towards me and how it's messed up of her to hit me just because I don't want to go to Aunt Robin's.

    My mother is very critical of me, she's never nice to me at all, she doesn't have anything nice to say to me at all. I'm going through PTSD right now and today she kept pushing me and pushing me with her nasty comments and than I exploded. Now she wants to send me away. She no longer wants me to live with her anymore. She's a lot more nicer to my niece than towards me. She ignores me and never shows any love towards me at all. Anytime I'm crying or upset, she yells at me. Now she's gotten my step father, younger brother and niece all on her side and this has been building up for years and years and now I finally can't take it anymore. I broke down and yelled and started cussing. I noticed how I started getting snippy with people and I try to step away and isolate myself from people because I've been getting abused and bullied so much and I just can't take it anymore.

    My mother is very toxic and very abusive towards me. She doesn't care about my feelings at all. Before she left to go for a ride with everyone, she didn't even tell me nicely. She told me and than slammed the door. Anytime she needs me, she knocks on my door very loudly and bangs on it with her fists. It's as if she has complete hatred for me. Sometimes she knocks on the wall too. Anytime I walk into the room she says very nasty comments to me, very critical of me and than once I stand up for myself she gets mad and says, "You know if you keep up this nasty attitude you can just stay HOME!" My stomach is upset right now, my muscles ache all over and I have tension headaches now and I can barely get any sleep as it is. I've stood up for myself so many times and in the end I'm always the bad one and she's always the good one. In the end she's always the victim and I'm the "mental case" according to her. Some of the things she says to me repeat in my head and she even gets my niece to participate in on saying mean things about me. Sometimes I hear them whispering together about me and calling me horrible names and calling me crazy and how I need to get over my boyfriend's death and being sexually abused and raped. "Just get OVER IT!"

    Today I finally broke down and there was a horrible fight...... :( I'm tired of her treating me like this. Now I locked myself in my room and I won't come out..... I've been bottling this in for so many years and crying every single night for years too..... I can't hold it in anymore. :(
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Do you have anyone you can stay with for a few days to take a break from home
     
  3. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    No I don't. I'm not sure on where to go sadly. :( I don't want to bring this up to a lot of my friends.
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What about spending time away from home. Maybe a library.
     
  5. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure how old you are-I'm even less sure that you're going to like what I'm about to say, nonetheless-this is a forum, open to different peoples perspectives. For what it's worth-here's mine. I grew up in the exact same situation you're in-my mother hated my guts throughout most of my childhood and eventually turned the whole family against me. When I was in my mid thirties we went to therapy together to supposedly "fix" our relationship. It didn't work at all-she never apologized to me for all of the rotten, unfair things she had done to me for decades. She apologized for "accidentally" making me feel like shit-said it was never her intention (which I knew was garbage). I'm 53 now and she still hates me-I stopped caring why over a decade ago and set myself free.

    There finally came a point where I had to accept that we would never be close-we would not even be friends. She just hated me and I finally understood that no matter what I did (or how hard I tried) I couldn't change her mind. I made peace with the situation for the sake of my own sanity-I even forgave her for being a cold, uncaring person with no conscience. I forgave my mother so that I could be free-not her. It is entirely possible that you have one like mine-a mother who is hell bent on disliking you for reasons you'll never understand and the smartest thing that you can do is forgive her (even though she isn't sorry) and get out of the place where she lives and start a new life for yourself. Sorry if this is a bummer-but it's still the truth. Good luck-LT
     
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    You said she wants to send you away, maybe that will be the best thing for you. If you're under age, then maybe you should get another authority figure involved because typically abuse escalates and you should NOT have to deal with that or lock yourself away to feel safe. If you're over 18, maybe it's time to move out on your own, even though it'll be a struggle for a while to get on your feet. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you can find somewhere to go. xx