Emotional Intimacy Issues

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by neutralcardboard, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. neutralcardboard

    neutralcardboard New Member

    I've been a very closed-off person for a good while now and I'm very judgemental of most feelings I have. I started dating my current girlfriend a little over 2 years ago and I've told her about this problem, I told her that I hate telling people about the way I feel and dumping problems on her because it feels unfair and I don't want her to feel like a therapist for me.

    She shared with me that she would like to hear more from me so that I don't overreact by bottling things up but in reality that's very much easier said than done. I've been trying to be more open because I want to keep my relationship healthy but lately I feel so guilty about myself and I feel so wrong for being upset and negative that I've been keeping more thoughts to myself. I don't know if it's wise to occasionally vent to others like friends/this forum and keep choosing not to burden her with things.

    Would it be a better idea to tell her what's really going on in my mind? I've written a post here already describing how I feel and after reading it I'm worried that if I sent that to her she'd be overwhelmed and I know that's me being paranoid but I really don't want to make the mistake of telling her all of that and regretting it later because it could potentially make her stop talking to me.

    I'm not afraid of being alone I just don't like making huge mistakes so I thought I should seek some opinions. Part of me was also worried that if I keep too much to myself it could cause friction in my relationship because she really does want me to be more open and better with communicating myself to her, and I know it's important to actually listen to your partner so they feel validated.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I think you, and her are better off if you're honest with her.

    I am a lot like you, and I am still working on being honest with my boyfriend... he knows my story, but I'm too 'good' at smiling and saying things like "I'm fine!" when I've spent the night crying...
    But the thing is he (and I imagine that goes for your girlfriend as well) wants to help me through the bad times and cheer me up when he can. And if he doesn't know, he doesn't know how to help.

    Also, there's the risk of the other person feeling left out, and that you don't 'care enough' to tell them what is going on... while that's what you think you're doing by 'protecting' them from your pain...

    So, the best thing to do is to be open with her, let her in and give her a chance to be there for you