I know this is TMI, right now I'm on my period and I'm really really clingy, feel lonely and my PTSD and abandonment issues are horrible. Everything is fine right now. Inside my head right now though, I'm freaking out and can't relax. Before I got my period I noticed how I get suicidal thoughts and there horrible. Someone who I'm in love with who has aspergers and I told him tonight that I'll read about his disorder. Tonight we were playing games and I messaged him first. He joked with me online and I took it way too seriously and in the end I told him, "Sometimes I feel as if I'm making you mad or that I should go away or leave you alone." He told me that sometimes with his disorder he likes to be alone sometimes and he doesn't know why, it's just how he is and he put a sad face afterwards Than he explained how sometimes disappears when things get way too stressful for him. After he told me all of this I told him that I understand and if he needs his space tonight I'll respect his wishes because I don't want us fighting with each other in the end or having him disappearing on me. Especially since I have abandonment issues. I have no control over what happens though and I know this. He's been here for me through everything and stuck by me and visited me at the hospital when I got Kidney Stones and he hugged me goodbye and comforted me when I left his house this week when I visited him. Believe I broke down due to PMS which I have no. I broke down in his room and thought that everyone hates me, that nobody likes me or cares about me. He kept comforting me and telling me that he cares for me and that he does like me. As of right now I can't sleep and I'm stressed out because of these abandonment thoughts. I'm so afraid that he'll get so distant and soon he'll abandonded me too......just like everyone else. I keep going back in forth and battling this. If he leaves, it's his loss and was never my friend and than the negative thought: If he leaves me, my whole life will be a mess. Which is almost kinda true almost. He's my only true friend that lives in Florida anyways. I'm just so tired of worrying and having all these abandonment issues.