Emotionally or Mentally Unstable

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by neko-chan, Jan 8, 2016.

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  1. neko-chan

    neko-chan Well-Known Member

    is it possible that a person can be emotionally or even worse mentally unprepared to start a romantic relationship?? it's just that i have recently met someone online.. a few days in the relationship, i suspected that she was keeping something from me.. i got really paranoid that she was lying to me.. i'm not sure why.. but i think i'm just too sensitive and honesty is really important to me.. i was really upset that i have trusted her so much and that she would do something like that.. i was physically hurting because of it.. ever since we have met i actually felt better, like it's possible to finally be over the dark times in my life.. i even thought that i finally found someone who really understands me.. but the thought of such betrayal makes me think of committing suicide.. it's like all the insecurities i've had before all came back to me.. it was the first ever relationship i've had.. and i was not expecting to feel such things just because or a person..

    we eventually talked about the issue.. but it left me thinking if i'm really fit to be in a relationship.. if even small things make me spiral down into depression and anxiety.. is it even worth it to start a relationship??
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    emotionally i would say there are a lot of reasons. going through a nasty break-up recently, loss, depression, stress going to mean that some people, emotionally, are all over the place. mentally i guess it depends on age, maturity and any underlying conditions.

    what you're describing.. the paranoia of being lied to or having things kept from you. I have it too and it becomes a problem for me in all areas of my life, especially when you get good at figuring out when someone is lying. Is it just in relationships for you? Or in other aspects of your life?

    I don't have any great suggestions I'm afraid other than you will have to accept at some point that everybody lies. Mostly they do it to protect themselves or others but eventually you will have to be able to let the little ones go or it's going to get to you always.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Being emotionally and mentally stable is very important when entering a new relationship. While many do without being, the odds of it ending up successful are much lower and and it can make finding mental and emotional stability much more difficult or a huge set back if trying to regain stability. I am sure many people do do it successfully or with varying degrees of success, but I would be prepared for difficulties and if you can keep things on a low simmer and take things very slowly you would be much better off. Just the example you used - being hurt to the point of physical pain after a few days of internet talking- so never even having met and could be a complete catfish realistically- is a real warning sign that slowing down might be healthier. If it is real and meant to be going slow will not ruin anything. Moving fast in and over investing when first meeting is a bad idea in the best of circumstances but when carrying a lot of emotional baggage can be disastrous.

    On the other hand, taking things very slowly and being cautious but allowing yourself to get out there and meet people and talk to people and explore the world outside your own thoughts and interacting again can be a great path out of depression - just ask yourself if somebody you knew was telling you how they felt and how strongly after meeting online a few days ago would you be cautioning them or telling them jump head long into it and trust them with your money and heart? Then give yourself the advice you would give somebody else and don;t listed to that feeling "but WE are different and he/she is different..... pretty much anytime in life when you are justifying thoughts feelings and actions that seem far out of the ordinary by thinking this me or person or this relationship or this time is special because it is different - It is NOT different, that is why you are justifying it and thinking about it at all.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel the same way a lot of the time, because of what has happened in the past, and the fact that I keep getting hurt by people. I would just say to be careful and take things slow. Don't rush and really get to know each other before you commit to anything. Did she lie about something small or something big? I know it's never good to lie, but think if it's something you can get past or not. If you can't then maybe the relationship is not good for you. Don't be held back because of fears from the past, just try to move forward to make a better future.
  5. joshua6969

    joshua6969 Member

    I'm in the same boat here, just finished with a Narcissist who dragged me down to a breakdown and then walked away with another man.

    I've been talking to lots of other women lately via dating sites but none of them are working for me, none of them fills the hole left by the Narcissist and all of them are potential Narcissists now.

    Getting tired of it all now, sleep has turned to shit, having physical problems and the loneliness is killing me mentally, I'm becoming more and more isolated due to the physical problems as I don't want to go out and be social now.

    I hate what I've become.
  6. neko-chan

    neko-chan Well-Known Member

    it's not that i believe everything that people say.. especially in dating sites.. or any other social websites in general.. where the aim of people is to find somebody that can potentially like them.. i don't even trust easily the people around me.. but for some reasons when i find somebody that i do trust.. i get attached to them and become dependent to them to some extent..
  7. neko-chan

    neko-chan Well-Known Member

    i don't know why people tend to just disregard my feelings.. it's like they don't mind if i get hurt.. it's probably the reason why i don't trust people easily.. getting hurt and being lied to enough times that i'm left to think if it's worth it to open myself to somebody and face the possibility if getting hurt again.. because in my mind i tell myself that if history really do repeats itself then eventually somebody will hurt me again.. and i almost killed myself the first time it happened, do i really want to subject myself again to that kind of pain..
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