I was abused when I was 9 just the once. Then I went out with a guy for 4 years as a teenager and he did horrible things and allowed his friends to do them too - I think that they were his friends altho I never met them before. But I could go on and tell you what happened in each and every occassion and you could ask me and I could tell you no problem BUT ask me how I felt or how I feel now and I have no words. When I say that I have no emotion about what happened I am speechless. There are no words are no feelings there not even a ugh or agh WHY???????? Surely a normal person would feel disgust, hatred and anger to say the very least but me - I feel nothing. Infact with the one when I was 9 I even thot oh well if it was a one off or due to the drink he consumed and hasnt done it since then thats ok - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!! I am angry with myself for not being angry. I even went to the police and told them thinking that it would trigger some emotion inside me and give me some form of closure but I am incapable of feeling anything. Can anyone tell me why?? or does anyone "feel" similar? Am I turning into a psycho?