Emotionless

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by boopy, May 3, 2008.

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  1. boopy

    boopy Member

    I was abused when I was 9 just the once. Then I went out with a guy for 4 years as a teenager and he did horrible things and allowed his friends to do them too - I think that they were his friends altho I never met them before. But I could go on and tell you what happened in each and every occassion and you could ask me and I could tell you no problem BUT ask me how I felt or how I feel now and I have no words. When I say that I have no emotion about what happened I am speechless. There are no words are no feelings there not even a ugh or agh WHY???????? Surely a normal person would feel disgust, hatred and anger to say the very least but me - I feel nothing. Infact with the one when I was 9 I even thot oh well if it was a one off or due to the drink he consumed and hasnt done it since then thats ok - WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!! I am angry with myself for not being angry. I even went to the police and told them thinking that it would trigger some emotion inside me and give me some form of closure but I am incapable of feeling anything.

    Can anyone tell me why?? or does anyone "feel" similar? Am I turning into a psycho?
     
  2. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Chances are it is your coping mechanism for such traumatic events. In the same way that some people repress memories, you have learnt that you cannot be hurt by them if you remove all emotion from them. No, it does not mean that you are crazy, or anything of the sort. But in order to really recover and heal from what has happened to you you need to find a way of releasing those emotions again to deal with them. A therapist would help you to do that.

    Good luck, and if you ever do want to chat about what happened, with or without emotion, feel free to PM me

    Lauren
     
  3. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    firstly hun, i am so sorry to hear of all that you have suffered. You are so brave to continue on with all those memories, never forget you are a survivor.

    You are not strange or a psycho, your body is just protecting you by shutting down the painand the memories to help you cope.

    have you ever seen anyone to help you with these memories?
     
  4. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    hey hunny,

    It is not strange at all, it is how your body copes with these things. Our bodies and minds do not automatically know how to deal with traumatic things, so it makes coping machanisms, such as yours (and mine... i am the same way) to deal with the pain. The only way you can start to feel emotion again is to talk these things out with someone and put them behind you. I know that is way easier said than done, but it is worth a shot. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk. *huggles* take care,

    Caroline
     
  5. Sentient-Blizzard

    Sentient-Blizzard Well-Known Member

    I'm probably alone on this one but I think that it's actually much better that you don't feel anything. Trust me you don't want to have nightmares and your relation with other men ruined because of the trauma. You should see a psychologist to talk about those issues but thank god they're not crippling you.
     
  6. emilykatie101

    emilykatie101 Well-Known Member

    No, actually you are quite normal.
    A 9 year old girl isn't capable of processsing sexual abuse properly on her own. It is common to shut down emotionally after such a traumatic experience. I used to blame myself for what happened. It was the only thing that made since to me.
    EMDR therapy is very helpful in properly processing past traumatic events.
     
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