emotions are shutting down

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TG123, Jun 2, 2009.

  1. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    Was wondering what you think of this, shutting emotions down. I had a horrible day at school today. My students were being rude and defiant like they've never been before, not listening or doing work because they're pissed off with a seating plan I gave them today (which was a result of them talking all the time for the past several weeks). I was close to cutting myself, even scratched myself with a ruler where my wrists are but didn't of course do anything.
    As the day was coming to an end though I just stopped feeling anything, emotionally. Like I was like a zombie and just completely shut down. We had a staff meeting and I just sat there and didn't say or do anything, I could hear everything that was said but was completely zoned out. Like part of me just didn't care about anything, where I was or what was going on or anything. Sometimes when I get depressed I think of killing myself- not seriously like planning or anything- but I wasn't, I was just feeling absolutely nothing. Zero.
    I don't know if this is good or not, now what's happened is coming back and I'm feeling like crying and hurting and it doesn't feel good but at least I'm feeling something.
    I was talking with my counselor about stuff I sometimes say to myself or feel when I'm going through crap. One of these messages is "Go and f-ing kill yourself! Kill yourself and make the world a better place". I don't know where the hell these thoughts come from, I think I really suck at my job though. No matter what I do I'm having trouble getting these kids interested, no matter how fun and engaging I try to make my lessons and it seems no matter what I do I can't get them to listen or follow the rules. I must be a horrible teacher I don't know anyone else who's having this much problems with their kids.

    Sorry, got a lot off my chest, thanks for listening.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Not feeling anything is definately NOT good.

    It's bad that your kids are misbehaving so badly. The year is almost over though, so you should at least be rid of them soon.

    Until then maybe you should try tough love? They sound like they need their asses beat.
  3. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    Nothing really works with this bunch. The only good part is that there's only 20.5 days left with them this year. I fucking hate the way they're treating me and sometimes I even feel like hating them. I just want to walk out of this place come June 30th, not be carried out.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm not sure what age range or class you teach. But I DO remember being in school around this time of year, and the kids were always extra horrible to the teachers because they couldn't wait to be out of school. We all wanted to go home, but I couldn't believe some of the stuff they would say or do.
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Change jobs, seriously any job with kids can be hell sometimes. Try teaching older people perhaps? although in your description it dosn't really say what type of people you teach.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2009
  6. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    jr high school, grade 8. I had behaviour problems though as well with kids in elementary school and high school. I want to quit at the end of the year but I can't b/c I need to make enough money to move out and go back to school to take something else. 3 more years of this crap lies in store.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Hope today was somewhat better!

    Teaching has GOT to be a hard job. Just because the kids are acting up doesn't mean you're a bad teacher. Actually, it's good that you're trying to make what you teach fun and interesting. It's just hard to keep kids' attention, especially now with the schoolyear being almost over.
  8. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    I put on a Medieval Fair for them today b/c of our Middle Ages unit. Spent $50 on KFC for them, organized games like jousting and cart races and rock-paper-scissors (but instead it being "Knight Maiden Dragon")- they responded by not getting involved in the games and complaining about how boring it is and being general pests. I got pissed off at them, cancelled the whole thing and had them go to class to do quiet reading. I put quite a bit of work and money into planning this and they just fucked it all up. Something weird happened and like 2 of them said they were sorry, which with them is rare. I was so disappointed and just plain pissed off.

    I got a summer job as a security guard, I'm signing up for night shifts in the North End and core area because I want someone to stab me or beat me to death before next year starts so I don't have to go back and do another year which I signed up for because I need the money.

    Sorry for ranting again.
  9. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    Grade 8?! You have ALL of my pity! There are some good resources online if you google "teaching 8th graders". My favorite is the Friday afternoon cell phone method. I also like the idea of giving them the assignment (in class) to create a high-school survival guide. This is great because they can look back when they're older and laugh at how they thought high school would be.

    My understanding is that we cannot post links in this forum, but I must say, google "teaching 8th grade" (without quotes) and you'll quickly see that you are not alone and certainly not a bad teacher!

    :mortdesinos:this reminds me of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" lol
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    It's okay, rant as much as you want to.

    I knwo finding a job is tough right now (been trying for a few months). But do you think there's any chance of your finding a different job so you don't have to go back to teaching next year?

    And to be honest, you sound like a really good teacher. Most of the teachers I had wouldn't even think about putting so much effort into a lesson. I'm sorry they didn't appreciate it.
  11. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Any cute girls in your class? That's always a good distraction.

  12. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    LOL. No, they're a bunch of 13 year olds and I have a girlfriend and by asking them out I'd be committing a felony.
  13. Soda

    Soda Account Closed

    shutting emotions down....
    do u mean, like until u lose your bad feelings,
    or just, lose your emotions?