Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mn04, Feb 1, 2007.

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  1. mn04

    mn04 New Member

    Hi i'm new to this site, so bear with me. Over the past year and including what has been going on this, it feels that my life is very desolate, boring, uninteresting, and it feels I've achieved absolutely nothing and I'm going nowhere. It makes me wonder, why I woke up today, why did I come to this site, and why and writing this post. If only just to relieve a few tension that has been going on in my life.

    Ok. Umm, as of November of last year I have discontinued my studies from a college, and have decided to look for work. The details surroinding my studies will not be discussed. Anyway, I decided to look for jobs. Have you ever thought how hard job hunting actually. I found one i liked, its about Sales and Marketing, so I applied got interview had and observation day, and started on the tuesday of this week.

    The next bit to write is a bit tough, so bear with me. I decided to work no the tuesday, and promoting some product to customers, and the more you sell the more money you earn, that what commission is, and no base salary. That was kind of annoying for, anyways I had a torrid first day, selling only two units, well thats what happens when you haven't worked anywhere else before.

    So I came to talk to the manager, and we both kinda agreed, thats its gonna be hard to reach my targets, and earning this low commission salary, they feel is not worth it. so yeah in a sense I was technically fired after the frist day. By technically I mean, I would've left by the end of the week

    It still plagues your mind, who gets fired after the first day? So I realize that sales and marketing, how stupid for me to venture down that path. So now I am here, with no job, no tertiary education, and trying to slowly map out the rest of my terrible life. The problem thing is you feel like a failure, you feel like you've achieved nothing, all my life, well actually in the last couple of years or so, I've made alot of bad decisions, things didn't go as they planned and it just the never ending cycle, fo no matter how hard you try, I feel like I am destined for desolate and miserable life, full of failures, no matter how hard I try to rectifty the situation.

    Life is empty, something is missing I don't know what it is, I'm only 20, and look at me, three years after finishing high school, I've done nothing, I am hopeless, this is all rubbish, life is boring. I wonder what is the point of moving forward, what is the point of me waking up tommorrow, of me writing another post. Plus it didn't make it any easier when my cousing was ridiculing and insulting the other day, some days I just feel like crying. I've had suicide thoughts before, but I was depressed for a while, but now I am beyond depressed, I have seem to have resigned to my terrible and miserable fate. Life is not interesting, it is broing, no exciteness just emptiness. Just waiting surely and slowly until I finally meet my maker, and ask him why did I had to endure all of this.

    I hate my life, and I wish I could change it... If only I knew how.
  2. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni


    Welcome to the forum we are glad your here. Sounds like youve been doing the best you can. your so young and have so much to look forward to. Maybe the job you have is not for you, maybe selling isnt what your talents are, I dont know....but try not to be to tough on yourself about it...we all have to do trial and error to find our nich in this world...Im real glad your here and I do hope you are able to find the support your looking for .....Please feel free to PM me or any of our wonderfull staff members anytime...once agin welcome aboard and I look forward to getting to know you better....take good care of yourself....-Jodi
  3. reSol

    reSol Member

    I can completely relate to how you feel. I too am 20 and my life is about as empty as can be. I have no job, practically no life, nothing. I feel like a bigger loser each passing day. I don't really have any words of wisdom or anything, maybe if I summon the inner genius(wish I had one) I might be able to come up with something that could be of some use to you. I just basically wanted to let you know that you're not alone and there are people out there like you...me being one of them.

    I've had experience with being beyond depressed, these days I'm just depressed and sliding. But there was a time when I was depressed beyond all else and if you just keep on fighting it, you can get out of it. Don't give up hope, it wont happen over night, but it will happen. You gotta be ready to slog it out for the long haul. I, myself am going into my fourth year of depression. You just gotta keep hope that you will get better oneday. Are you on antidepressants? If not, you may want to consider seeing a doctor and getting on some. They can considerably improve your mood from what it is...they wont make you happy but they can help get you out of your deep hole. And once out it may positively influence other aspects of your life.

    You may want to consider getting another job. You already had one job, even if only for a day. But that says you are capable of getting a job. You just gotta figure out what kind of job is down your alley, then go after that. Sure sales and marketing didn't work out for you, but don't give up. To succeed you have to be willing to fail. Don't let one failure defeat you. I feel like such a hypocrite, I haven't had a job since I was 15 and god that job sucked at my life essence. It caused me so much anxiety that it'd keep me awake at night thinking about it. It's one thing giving out advice, it's completely another one taking it.

    With life being boring and unexciting, my shrink told me that you have to create your own enjoyment. I haven't been able to do much with that piece of advice, but I thought I'd share it with you anyway. All I know is that if you don't do anything, life wont get any better.

    Well it turns out I did have some advice to give out after all...who would have thought. Just don't give up hope and I hope things improve for you. Don't let the job thing get you too down. Best of luck with things...YOU CAN DO IT!
  4. Kugatsu

    Kugatsu Active Member

    What's up. I'm a fellow 20 year old loser. I seriously thought that I'd have some things figured out by now but it just seems like the more time goes on, the more fucked up your plans get and the more out of hand things seem. Like you can't ever get a handle on the world even if you tried your hardest. Just know that your not all that alone in the world in that department. There's plenty of us out there who are 20 and haven't found their place yet. I'm one of them.
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