Hi i'm new to this site, so bear with me. Over the past year and including what has been going on this, it feels that my life is very desolate, boring, uninteresting, and it feels I've achieved absolutely nothing and I'm going nowhere. It makes me wonder, why I woke up today, why did I come to this site, and why and writing this post. If only just to relieve a few tension that has been going on in my life. Ok. Umm, as of November of last year I have discontinued my studies from a college, and have decided to look for work. The details surroinding my studies will not be discussed. Anyway, I decided to look for jobs. Have you ever thought how hard job hunting actually. I found one i liked, its about Sales and Marketing, so I applied got interview had and observation day, and started on the tuesday of this week. The next bit to write is a bit tough, so bear with me. I decided to work no the tuesday, and promoting some product to customers, and the more you sell the more money you earn, that what commission is, and no base salary. That was kind of annoying for, anyways I had a torrid first day, selling only two units, well thats what happens when you haven't worked anywhere else before. So I came to talk to the manager, and we both kinda agreed, thats its gonna be hard to reach my targets, and earning this low commission salary, they feel is not worth it. so yeah in a sense I was technically fired after the frist day. By technically I mean, I would've left by the end of the week anyway. It still plagues your mind, who gets fired after the first day? So I realize that sales and marketing, how stupid for me to venture down that path. So now I am here, with no job, no tertiary education, and trying to slowly map out the rest of my terrible life. The problem thing is you feel like a failure, you feel like you've achieved nothing, all my life, well actually in the last couple of years or so, I've made alot of bad decisions, things didn't go as they planned and it just the never ending cycle, fo no matter how hard you try, I feel like I am destined for desolate and miserable life, full of failures, no matter how hard I try to rectifty the situation. Life is empty, something is missing I don't know what it is, I'm only 20, and look at me, three years after finishing high school, I've done nothing, I am hopeless, this is all rubbish, life is boring. I wonder what is the point of moving forward, what is the point of me waking up tommorrow, of me writing another post. Plus it didn't make it any easier when my cousing was ridiculing and insulting the other day, some days I just feel like crying. I've had suicide thoughts before, but I was depressed for a while, but now I am beyond depressed, I have seem to have resigned to my terrible and miserable fate. Life is not interesting, it is broing, no exciteness just emptiness. Just waiting surely and slowly until I finally meet my maker, and ask him why did I had to endure all of this. I hate my life, and I wish I could change it... If only I knew how.