Empty and low as hell

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, May 9, 2011.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling rotten to the corse low badly anxious as hell you name it.I don't know what to do another day of hell is here,I went to the dentist this morning had my teeth cleaned really against my wishes but my Dentist said I have to have them done.The problem is I have a bad phobia about having my bottom teeth cleaned it's related to BDD.

    I'm struggling badly as usual with all my conditions,but this depression is absolutely shocking to say the least.Motivation is so poor interest is terribly low as ever.I see my Dr&Therapist regularly but it's no help not any of their faults of course.I just want to be gone that's all my life is a mess,right at times when I think I'm getting somewhere I fall back down again so what's the use?
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi ace sorry you had such a bad day. i also hate the dentist. i get such bad anxiety they have to medicate me before i will even open my mouth. true. i know you are tired, but please hang on. who knows what may happen tomorrow, we just have to be around to see it. just wanted you to know i read your post and you are not alone.
    c
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You done well in going there - and taking care of teeth is a good thing - we hate going the dentist every 6 months but its worth it.

    Saying that we don't get those shiny white American teeth in England. Not unless we go under a neon light in a bar-room. We get teeth whitened to a light nicotine yellow.

    As for asking 'what is the use?' - I mean life in general, its hard to say one moment to the next sometimes. If you get depression you deal with the same 'what is the use' moments that everyone goes through.

    Our trouble is that the 'moment' tends to go on for extended periods and we 'dwell' on the past mistakes, or the mistakes right now and so on.

    We ruminate on things - and that's like running in circles, it gets you nowhere but makes you tired.

    Motivation is another Ace - I don't see therapists, can't find the motivation !

    To be honest, I'm lucky in that my depression is just depression. I take one SSRI per day, don't think talking about how I feel would help me any more than talking about sunburn would make that feel any better.

    If I went to a therapist, I've got nothing to say really - no problems with family, childhood great, teen years, pretty fun. I should feel great but I don't. Odds are many therapists are just as bad as me but they have the motivation, I don't. We could swap seats but for a twist of fate, a lucky break and so on.

    Motivation is a killer when you cannot find it - it all starts there because whatever we want, whatever cure we need and cycles to break - it is the motivation which is the KEY.

    I guess you have to look back and see what motivated you when you felt OK. Sometimes just going through the ritual of things can at least bring you out of yourself for a short while, stop you worrying so much.

    A nice woman would likely motivate you Ace - you and me both bro. Truth is, I'm not even motivated there right now - but who knows? I want to be motivated by other things really - because a motivated man has his fallbacks if love goes wrong. A man motivated by nothing but some woman - will likely crowd her to death anyhow. We get in the way bro - but when we got our interests we can potter about in the work shed making one of those new style shelves which look crooked. All the rage I hear.

    Anyhow Ace - I hope that you can find a little hope in this sometimes seemingly hopeless world. We get hope and we see it more around us - when we are down, all the news is doom and gloom, when happy, maybe we'll watch some sport instead of that documentary on bad sh** happening.

    Good luck as ever Ace - hope this year is a good one for you and me both and we can appear here maybe in a few months with something good having happened.

    Damn, I remember the days when good things happened.

    I wonder if the world got more fu**** up than we ever could though!

    My regards brother.
     
  4. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    we all have set backs ace hun...and they can zap our energy and make us question what the heck is the point. i dont know what the point is, i cant answer for me so i cant for you. what i can say is that you have been a great support to so many here, and maybe thats the point, maybe you were meant to feel the way you do to find your way here to help others, and ultimately accept that you have a worth. you have a lot to deal with, but you have a purpose and as far as the bdd goes, here you dont have to worry how you look...so you have no fear of being judged. i dont know...i just want you to be safe and let us see that sometimes odd things happen for odd reasons that we dont always see. you are a good person, take each day at a time...we need you here.

    :hug:
     
  5. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies once again,I got through another night as I thought would do something again.It's been pretty hard I'm quite angry at myself because I struggle to change and never seem able to.So much going on in my head,as I said I see a Dr(Psychiatrist)and Therapist(Psychologist)-if they're the same thing.Sure it's helpful at times when I'm there but when I'm gone I struggle going back into the same old habits as always.

    Many times I reminisce about the past when I used to go to work and feel good after work going home&then going out in the evening.My life wasn't perfect but at least I felt useful and many things or some were fun.Now my life is so screwed up I hate going to bed thinking is tonight going to be my last night,I think with this bloody OCD I've struggled to change like hell anyway but hate to blame it on the condition as well.

    I just hate it's another day here another of the same s**t again,I can't stand being like this anymore.I just wish I could build up the courage to do something,I'm sorry everyone your post's did help honestly.:sad::sad::sad:.
     
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