Empty arms

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by llightworker, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. llightworker

    llightworker Member

    I lost my daugher in April last year. I never got to hold her , not once.

    I Joined a bereavement group for parents, they just look at me like "huh? my pain is worse than yours, my son/daughter was alive for 15 years" etc. No one understands this pain, I just want to see her again

    it's eating away at me.. I want to be with her.
    I dont even know why I'm posting this here, it's not like anyone can help me, to be honest I have nothing left to live for. Im probably posting in the wrong forum, but since that day, i've felt the same pain, which grows deeper daily as time goes on. So people tell me "it's ok, you can have more children" actually I can't. due to medical reasons.

    No, I cant just get over it. No, it doesnt heal in time, and medications do nothing for broken hearts, my therapist does nothing for me
    if I told her how i truly feel, i wouldn't be at home.

    Wish i knew how to get rid of this pain, i have been praying for a year for this to go
  2. Tea_at_Four

    Tea_at_Four Staff Alumni

    Of course you want to be with your little girl--your love for your child is always! She was your own special person, and touched your life with joy. Remembering the time you had is good, and it is a part of you. Keep taking care.
  3. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you might find a bereavement group that provides what you need. I think you've done the right thing in coming here. There are people here who provide compassion, wisdom, patience - besides being web-based, there's generally someone around at all times of day or night.

    Not everyone knows the perfect thing to say in any situation, but I think most know how to listen.

    Welcome (((Hugs)))
  4. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Im so glad i saw your post...i was 5 and a half months pregnant when i went into labor. my son never got to laugh, breathe, play, live...and im sorry that the people in your support group were so unhelpful. Whether you can have more children or not, you've still lost a large part of yourself. Ive been looking for someone to talk to that understand the way this feels..if you ever want to talk shoot me a PM, and im so sorry for your loss.
  5. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I can remember the way my wife and I fantasized about names affectionately, (Wolf or Peaches), then actually the names somehow seemed appropriate, and then we anticipated and allowed ourselves to hope. There were numerous trips to a pharmacy for the EPT tests, and finally, one was positive.

    My wife seemed so hopeful and fulfilled. Our first visit to the OB/GYN revealed a heartbeat, and she was almost giddy, she wanted so to provide me a little Wolf to take fishing, to teach to ride a bike. Two nights later, she felt something wrong, and the next day an ultrasound revealed the truth. She was so crushed. We had wanted this pregnancy, wanted a baby, we were good people, we deserved a baby, so why were we denied ?

    Even as devasted as I could tell she was, I don't think she even allowed herself to feel the whole loss.

    Later, there was a second pregancy, but again did not make it to term.

    If out experience was anything like yours, it's a deep deep loss, a very real loss, and you're right, not everyone understands. I guess people try to compare grief and losses, but they're all different foe everyone.

    I think you're in the right place, a good place, and I hope you find understanding here. (((hugs)))
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you embrace the caring that is here, as you deserve to be treated this way
  7. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Grief and grieving has no set time frame although they would say it has a pattern.

    Your loss is real and those who made you feel less than, well, they simply were ignorant.

    Have you thought of making a memorial for this child? I don't know if you have done so already, but this process can often help in the healing journey.

    Just a thought and I wanted to give you a :hug:
  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I suffered a miscarriage 3 years ago when I was just 18. I was only 8 weeks pregnant and I wasn't even sure of what I wanted or what my future had in store. I was so confused and went on a wild night out because I was young and knew my life was going to change drastically and I didn't know if I was ready or mature enough for it. My partner lives 200 miles away, I lived at home and was about to start university. A week after my drinking binge I was at work and began to have chronic stomach pains and began bleeding. I blamed myself for my miscarriage because I was sure my binge was to blame for my loss. I was alone through the miscarriage and I have never really gotten over it. The guilt will be there regardless but in the end I just had to let go. Me and partner named the baby Angel just so we could have a name for it and know that our baby would be remembered. We light candles on the date I lost Angel and the date which would have been my due date. It helps because I know that although I never met my Angel, he/she will remain in our memories.
  9. llightworker

    llightworker Member

    hi Sandra

    I'm very sorry for your loss, :sad:

    so true that, it takes a huge part of you which never seems to return, i'm sorry you have lost your Angel too and I am here for you if you need to talk, pm me anytime. Grace never got a chance at life either, this makes it even worse, although a parent who has had time with their little one still feels this extreme heartbreak, it hurts when people say hang on to the memories because the only memories are .....not good ones

    here for you. my thoughts are with you and your Angel
    and again, when you need a shoulder to cry on, im here

  10. llightworker

    llightworker Member

    im sorry i havent had the energy to post anymore on here,

    but i wanted to thank you for the replies ,

    Amethyst, 1Lefty & Songie

    hugs to all of you, i am sorry you have had to go through this
    i am thinking of you all :hug:

    Texas, thank you. i did create a memorial in the garden. we planted a tree, let off lanterns, balloons with letters
    nothing compares, but i cant bring her back, i know this
    i do believe in angels and have hope we will meet on the other side. brings comfort, im trying to hold onto this thought. it's like a child wanting to open presents before xmas, you just cant wait