Empty Eyes

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by SmilePretty, Sep 13, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    Off the top of my head, i just needed to write something, so it isnt really that good

    Your empty eyes
    hide the lies
    keep your disguise.

    Lovely face
    Out of place
    In this space.

    Dont even ask
    about the death mask
    In the darkness you bask.

    Free of
    Destroying love
    At which they shove.
     
  2. that poem is crushing.

    well done :cry:
     
  3. "Off the top of my head, i just needed to write something, so it isnt really that good"

    ...says who? I agree with Cyesis...

    FAL1
     
  4. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

  5. That's two against one luv {!}

    actually for you

    {FAL1}-
     
  6. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    It was okay, but you wrote it off the top off your head. Personally, for my tastes? The rhyming wasn't progressive enough. It just kinda happened. But yeah, like you said, you wrote it off the top of your head.
     
  7. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    finally someone else thinks that it sucks, Thank you! so much
     
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sucks?? HAH!!! It most certainly DOES NOT SUCK!! I found it to be beautiful and very expressive. And the rhyming was delightful! imho! I like it very much. And I think your poems get better and better... so there!:tongue: :smile:

    love,

    least

    PS; sometimes the things that come right off the top of our head are best of all. Most honest and unrestrained. Keep 'em coming, Lucy! I love your words!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2006
  9. Datsik

    Datsik Forum Buddy

    I really liked that poem :smile:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.