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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vbuk, Apr 12, 2007.

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  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i stayed away from the net for about a week i think. things were kinda bad but not too bad. i came on the net to do some things for work and im in such a bad way now. shaking again. crying. i cant cope. i wana do it so so bad.

    today i heard about this young kid who was being bullied over the internet. his parents found him after he commited suicide. he was only 13. as my friend told me i kept my back to her cos all i wanted to do was cry. i didnt even know the kid n it hit me so hard. ive being thinking about it all day and its being pushing me. how can people do that to others. fucking bastards. i know they wont ever get what they deserve.

    i dont even know what to write. im going weak again. not being very well. keep getting pains. keep hoping its bad.

    i just wana dissapear. nobody will miss me. mum n dad keep arguing all the time. i hate my job. i hate me. why wont it just take me away. so i dont bother everyone. with everything i write in here i get one step closer to it. i dont know if i should carry on writing and get closer or stop. i dont see n e thing n e more. no future, no life. theres nothing.

    im going to stop boring u all. gona run away - what i do best.

    love you ALL

    clare x
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I am so sorry that you aren't doing good right now hun. I don't know what happened while you were away, but did you find when you stayed away from teh computer it helped at all?

    How can people do that to others? sadly people are cruel and heartless nowadays. They simply get their kicks out of making other people hurt. They knock people down to make themselves feel better about their life. It's sad that the way people try to build themselves up is by knocking others down. As for not getting whta they deserve..Karma is a bitch. I hope that they are haunted with the fact that they pushed a 13 yr old boy over the edge and I hope they grow up to regret the things they said and did to him. But always remember karma will come back and bite them in the ass, if not now than someday, somehow.

    im sure your parents do love you even if they fight a lot..and i would miss you even if i don't know you that well and lots of people on SF would miss you also
    stay safe clare
  3. lisha

    lisha Member

    dont do that.
    take off.
    run away.
    iv tried.
    its hard.
    really really hard.

    i dont understand how people can do that either. some people can be so heartless.
    my parents fight continuously.
    or they dont speak to each other.
    one or the other.
    so i know how you feel.

    what you need is a shake up.
    ill give you some examples
    a) go to a kids ward if your under 17. just walk around. talk to some of the kids.
    b) go to a physc ward in the hospital if your 16 or older.
    here you will get the biggest shock. iv been in one. these people see the world so violently, so sadly and yet so different from us. You need to talk to them.

    thats all i can think of right now but if you cant do them go and find someone whose been there. get them to help you. lean on them. put all you can on them. talk to people about it. dont tell the world. but talk to them.
    iv said to my mother at one stage "im going to kill myself"
    iv said it a hundred different ways. at one point my mother told me to "hurry up and do it". If whoever you talk to says anything like that. dont listen to them. they become convinced that its damaging them, their the one who has to deal with it, and that its very selfish of you.
    but find someone, even if they havnt been there, just that you can talk to, that you can share things with.
    im here if you want.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Don't run away Clare. Stay here where we can support you. I wish you weren't hurting this way. I am here if you need to talk to someone. Take care. :hug:
  5. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i woke up. feeling even more determined to do something. ive made alot of mistakes and dont know how to cope. now i gota go to work and dont feel up to it. feel like im gona be sick. work yesterday was horrible. had alot of people having a go at me for no reason. this guy i work with isnt happy so he takes it out on everyone. especially me cos he doesnt like me. he made me wana self harm esterday - put me into such a bad state. just talks so horrible. i have to go. im really scared of going. gona go away again for a while. i thought i cud deal with coming back but i cant.

    take care

    Clare x
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