Empty

[LetItGo]

I've come to realize I'm a vacuous shell of a person. I have no passion. Nothing that I get up for, each and every day to work on, to do, to feel some sort of contentment from.

All these ridiculous ideas I have are just ridiculous ideas. I can't stick to anything because I soon come to realize that I'll never complete it. How can you finish something when fundamentally, deep down, you really don't care about it, even though at the time of the idea, you gain a lot of inspiration from it.

I'm sick of it. Been doing this for years and years now. I don't know how to resolve this problem. I don't consider myself a depressed zombie anymore, but maybe I'm deluding myself. Sure, there are times when my depression overcomes me and I fall in a heap for a couple of days but it passes, and it usually passes when I have another idea.

But how long can I keep this up. How long can I manufacture these little nuggets of happiness when I think of something new, only to see it blow up in my face. Nothing done, nothing completed, nothing to live for. It's a really lonely existence. While "I think" my depression has improved, there really isn't a lot to show for it. Nothing is what it should be. My personal life isn't working, I don't have a job as yet, and even if I did, I'd soon get sick of that. Just like I did last time, totally bored with it before it even began. Of course I knew I would be...

If you have nothing of genuine, lasting interest in your life, than why live? All the people on this forum that say their a loser, say their life is meaningless, have some company in this particular lost soul.

Nothing else to say really, it's just pathetic. Absolutely fucking pathetic.

Man I'm lonely...so utterly alone.

 

[Sadeyes]

So sorry things are so rough...apathy is a part of depression...we just do not care about what is going on...it takes work and support (both peer and profesional) to get over this hump...hope you continue to let us know how you are...big hugs, J

 

[Chargette]

This thing about not completing things has been a bane for me all of my life. I just do small stuff now. Very small stuff.

Contact with people proves to be the most helpful. Not an overload contact, not an invasion at my house, and not everyday.

I go to a knitting group once a week and I mostly listen to the conversation. My knitting projects are small and simple even tho I want to do the complicated lacy stuff but I know better not to.

The best thing about this group is the people are acquainted with me, smile and say hello. When it's time to leave, they smile and say see you next week.

It's amazing how the small stuff like that has a bit impact. I took a simple neck scarf to a woman I use to work with. She's traveling to snow country to see family. Who knows, but that small gesture may be just what she needed.

I don't feel bad being a small contributor of small things. Perhaps it's when people are looking for the big stuff, they lose touch with the small stuff that means the most.

Oooops, I'm rambling.

 

[Petal]

Hi MJ,

I'm sorry you're feeling low again hun, you're not pathetic :hug: I'm not sure what to say,but I am glad you have posted, talking about it does help! You know where I am if you need to talk.

 

[LetItGo]

I think my apathy is larger than the depression. Even when I'm happy I'll find a way to fail. I simply can't maintain any interest over the long term in anything. Perhaps it's because I try to do everything on my own. Then again, I've worked in groups at Uni, and thats turned out to be a complete waste of time.

I think I over estimate myself. I really don't know anything much about any aspect of life, I'm not a particularly bright or switched on person, I don't have any in depth knowledge about particular subjects. I lose interest before I can gain any in depth knowledge, so how I can I write about something that I know very little about? Thats what I've tasked myself with doing lately, writing about things, and I really can't see it happening.

Patience with myself is really starting to wear thin. I don't want to be around if this is how it's set to continue. Often when I talk to other people they stare at me blankly. Not quite understanding the order in which I'm presenting things, maybe I speak to fast for them or something? Like I said in the previous post, I just feel utterly alone, even in a city of millions.

 

[bubblin girl]

hi...
how are you
im the same as you darling...hope you feel better soon