Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by metamorphosis17, Jan 4, 2012.

  1. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    I don't feel like there's anything inside me, and certainly not in my life. I look at people who actually have families that they can complain about, perchance love. I don't have that. I don't have children, I don't have a spouse. I only have one parent, and he is so remote and distant we are not connected emotionally.
    My friends are distant.
    I am distant, and I think I have so little relationship-wise because I have spent my whole life being so distant and making myself small.
    I don't have any real passions.
    Life feels like an endless expanse of meaningless pass-time. Seriously, what's the point?
    Had I ever had a child, were I capable of having a child...
    If I ever though I could find a mate..
    And without that, I will never really have any family.

    When my father passes away, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. He is the only reason I put up with life, because I know he would be devastated if I died before him.
    After he goes, fuck it, I say...

    Unless I can find something to fill this hole before then, I'm out around the time he goes.

    ---------- Post added 4th January 2012 at 01:28 AM ---------- Previous post was 3rd January 2012 at 11:35 PM ----------

    This place is empty, too. Seems like one of the most inactive forums I've been on. I'm always surprised when I come back three hours later and see no one has made a new post/thread anywhere. I don't know if I'm that patient. I like active sites better.
  2. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear, I've feel that emptiness too meta. You can always try and pick up new hobbies and passions. It won't be easy, but it is doable and with new passions you meet new people and new friends. You just need to try to put yourself out there more instead of trying to "make yourself small." It seems to me that you think you are not important, but you are. Be confident in who you are cause you are somebody. Try not to worry about what everyone else is doing and focus more on you. Be selfish every now and then and give yourself more. If you ever need to talk or what not, hit me up and shoot me a pm; I would be more than happy to listen. Hope you feel better.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry holidays seems to drag people down some I do hear you sadness loneliness your pain Sounds like you are so very depressed i hope you can talk to your doctor maybe get some help to pull you out of that darkness some someone to talk to a therapist Even if you can push yourself to find an activity you once enjoyed hun and try it again it could bring some joy back into your life and you could meet that other person You have to reach out okay so things start to change hugs
  4. metamorphosis17

    metamorphosis17 Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking of ways I could get better professional help, eclipse.
    But, trust me, there is not much to look into in my particular town. I am going to have to get creative on ways I could commute or even find it later after I've moved away. I would like to move anyway, after I've completed my degree. But, that is still several years away.
    I can't talk myself into meds; I'll have to stop doing things to make me super-depressed and see if the lifestyle change helps. If the lifestyle change doesn't do anything, then I might think I need meds.
    Who wouldn't be depressed with such a lack in nutrition, exercise, + all the substance abuse? I have to see if I feel better without these detractors first, then add as much good stuff as possible.

    ---------- Post added at 04:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:13 PM ----------

    Thank you, b-rock :) I painted for the first time in months yesterday. It really helped!

    Really appreciate both of your kind words.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree hun changing ones lifestyle can help so much in decreasing ones depression getting involved into new activities eating and sleeping better doing things that ones before brought us joy. I too have a hard time taking meds i only take them to get me out of the darkness then i go off them and try again to keep me stable with out them I do hope you can move into an environment with more supports hun as talking to others that understand you helps as well hugs