emptyness..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ooame, Oct 1, 2007.

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  1. Ooame

    Ooame New Member

    Hello... i don't really know where to begin.. my name is Ooame. Im from Denmark. So sorry if my english is alittle bad. I'm 17 i just got out of what is equivalent to high school.. and i have not been doing anything for the past 4 months.. all i do is just sit in my room all day.. on the internet, watching movies, playing games. I havent stepped outside in months...

    I try to tell myself that everything is gonna work out.. when i really know its not.. i'm sitting here after complete breakdown... i just fell to pieces i came to the realization that my life is not gonna go anywhere.. it never will. My grades i got from high school arent good enough for me to enroll to any college or school of higher learning. So im basically screwed... there is no way for me to go back and redo them... the thing is.. i don't really want to go to college at all.. i know ill never be smart enough to be doctor or a lawyer.

    I look at all these people who have dreams and goals in their lives and i get jealous because i have absolutely no idea what i want to do. All i see in my future is me probably working a dead end job with almost no money.. or anything.. and i see my best friend... my only friend on his way into college.. making something of himself and even though im happy for him... i want him to fail and be as miserable as me. This should tell you something about my personality. I have more problems than just finding out what my purpose in life might be. Worse things... i have never told anybody about. Ever. Things i never want people to know about. I'm a pedophile... yeah.. and i hate myself for it. I have never hurt any child nor do i ever want to.. i didn't ask to be this way. I never wanted it... no matter how much i keep telling myself that im normal i will never be normal...

    i know that i will never get married or be in love with a grown woman or even have kids of my own because of this... i will never get to have that... every night before i go to bed i wish that would never wake up.. it never happens. Thats why im going to end it myself. I picked a date for me to do it. 23rd of January, my birthday. Sorry for making this so long.
     
  2. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Have u talked to a professional about this perhaps they could help u to turn your life around. You clearly know its not the way u want to be which is a good place to start

    TC Keep safe
     
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