Encountering my ex...friend...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aphorism, Sep 14, 2015.

  1. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    I am currently in my third year of college. In my first year of college, my roommate was my best friend at the time. We developed a very emotional and sexual relationship (which was of course a huge mistake) - which eventually became emotionally abusive. At the beginning of our second year, this relationship became fully platonic, but our emotionally abusive behavior toward one another continued. She eventually started dating a guy (20 years older than her and her first boyfriend! lol), but lied to me about it for almost half a year.

    Currently, she is probably still dating that dude (not for sure). I still run into her on campus, and we've had a lot of falling outs and then forgiving each other. But even the thought of encountering her makes me visibly anxious. Yet, just the other day I saw her, felt that anxiety, and talked to her and all of the anxiety disappeared. It was like we were still friends again with the way conversation could be made.

    I have blocked her on social media and don't have her phone number in my contacts. (Though I do have it memorized). This reducing my anxiety for sure. But I just don't know how to not feel strange, running into her around campus. Avoiding her actively seems too difficult.

    Has anyone else had to deal with such a mangled relationship?
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Its part of life and being social. You learn to adapt.

    Accept that you will run into her, its inevitable. Learn to not care. This happens in college all the time and will in other places as you get older too, so its a good time to figure out getting by without being bothered.

    Say hi in passing until you finally dont because you wont speak anymore anyway, get new friends, make the dean's list and get scholarships, and excel at internships. College is easy once you put the nonsense away. Your anxiety is reducing already.

    She will be a distant memory in less time than you think.
  3. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your support. I uhh. Don't think the last part is going to come so easily. Making new friends isn't easy in college. The Dean's List is mostly relative to the classes you're taking and the credit load. Scholarships? Unlikely at this point. Lol. Haven't had an internship yet. Just been busy working.

    But you're right, socially it will eventually be even easier.
  4. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Lots of organizations and clubs are right on hand where you can meet people. Does your campus have any that interest you?

    I went to college and meeting people was pretty easy even to me, except that I cared aboutthe wrong things in the first half - partying, drinking, guys who I dont even talk to anymore and have no place in my life now. It was a suburban campus with only several thousand students, small compared to big state schools, so even they have ways to meet people and engage in activities that build your confidence.

    Youre in a semi-utopia; take advantage of opportunities and connections where, in ten years when you look back at your life in college, you wont say you spent it being scared to run into a girl you used to know.

    Stay focused on post-graduation goals and start setting your life up for what happens next - and that includes what kind of people youll want around you, and how you handle interpersonal conflict. College is good practice, dont waste it (or all the money being spent for it).
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2015