end it.

i've tried killing myself countless times since i was 11. last attempt, my boyfriend found me & got me to the hospital just in time for the doctors to be congratulating him on saving my life, because of how close i was to going. that's something i always held against him. something i held against myself. if i would've done more, bled more, took more...whatever my escape was - if only it was more. no matter how far i keep on going, & trying to overcome this feeling.. it never did rid me. after years & years of trying to find 'happiness' whatever that word means. i could never. this time, i'll make sure there's no mistakes. there's no way i'll be able to save daylight because now my past is haunting me. my present is haunting me. every fucking problem i've ever faced seems to be coming back at once. & i cannot handle. im beginning to not want to anymore. it's just an endless cycle. attempt at suicide. fail. try find happiness. get close. have it torn from you. suicidal, once again. i'm sick of it. sick of everything.

 

hello faleana.. know life is not good at all for you now. but... things just might change for the better if you are able to wait for that time.. once plug is pulled it truly is done and over for all time. please think about your boyfriend adn family and you .. hope you able to reconsider this all now..

maybe some work with mental health professionals might really help you and make things liveable.. take care please, Jim

 

Hi Faleana, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're hurting and overwhelmed. You're at a good place here, we care. And I think many of us can relate to the pain and the overwhelmed feelings you have.

I hope you'll post more, you can voice your frustrations and pain, without being judged.

Maybe a professional evaluation would help, there may be a therapy or medication to help you.

I still feel overwhelmed myself, but my life is not as chaotic if I just work on resolving one problem at a time.

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting, ((Faleana)). Please know that you are among friends. And please count me among the many friends here who truly care and hope you survive and find a measure of happiness. Sending hugs and friendship...T :console:

 

therapy doesnt help. i cant open myself up to anyone, not even my best friends. so a stranger? no ways. onlines one thing. but to let my wall down to a stranger -- pointless.