End of my journey

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by trinisty, Mar 5, 2015.

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  1. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Hey guys, I made a diary called "Journey to Win", it is basically a diary documenting my life about my step-by-step process on overcoming my suicidal thoughts and anxiety inside my head.

    I met my best friend today, I loved her for 2 years, and maybe I found out that she loved someone else and doesn't interested in me. I'm a fragile guy, I deeply in love to her and by the time she rejected my love almost 2 months ago, I felt so horrible. From then, I realized my life was falling apart, I couldn't sleep very well, and I couldn't eat anything. I struggled so hard to forget about her, but every time I try, I always fail. I'm not sad because I've been rejected, I'm sad because I'm scared of seeing her with someone else. The more I try to forget about her, the worse my feelings are going to be. I'm sad because all the good memories with her just... disappeared. I can't recreate that, I can't make her or myself smile again, and the worst part is... I can't forgive myself for confessing to her. If only I didn't confess, maybe I felt so much better now. But it seems history is just a history, I can't change it and I will never change that one single thing in my life that I really want to change.

    I am weak, and my weakness makes me less attractive to her. I'm not the manliest man of all time, I'm not the strongest nor the best person she ever met. But from the deepest of my heart, I feel like I will do anything for her, I will try to be the best for her, but it seems I don't have a chance to do that. Maybe she's not reading this post, but I just really want to tell her that I really really love her. I can't describe how much I love her, I have never loved someone this much in my entire life.

    My journey has come to an end, and I lost.
  2. Luie

    Luie Well-Known Member

    If you love her that much, and she's your best friend, but she's interested in someone else, would you be a brother to her?
  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Hi trinisty,

    You did the right thing by telling her. Now it's time to mourn your loss, with time and distance you will get better. i really don't suggest staying close to her you will not heal by seeing her all the time.

    I have been through this 3 times, beleive me you will heal. Hopefully next time you will show the girl your interest much sooner so if it's not reciprocal at least it will be much easier to move on.

    Good luck and keep us updated.
  4. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Hey everyone, thank you so much for checking my thread.

    I know that I should avoid her as much as I could, even though it is so hard for me to do that. I met her that day accidentaly, and I literally just froze for a couple of minutes. I couldn't believe that I met her there. I will meet my psychiatrist today, and hopefully he can ease my pain down a little bit. Still, I tried so hard to love someone else but I failed. I can never love someone else as much as her, I don't know why or how. I lost trust of myself, I can't hope... because I'm scared I might fall again. I want to make my expectation as low as possible, because I don't want to make the same mistake. I don't know what to do right now, avoiding her is just hurting myself, and being with her is also painful.
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