I have reached the end of my line. I have been battling evil thoughts for more than 20 years. I am too tired I fighting it anymore. I feel like I need to end my life before I lash out at those I love. I am not posting this so that someone will talk me out of this or as a cry for help. I am posting it so that I am able to get this off my chest. I have already picked out my date. I haven't picked out a method yet, I have picked out place and have most of my goodbye notes written. This isn't my first attempt but it will be my last. I understand that life isn't fair all the time, but it should be fair some of the time. I just can't sit back and have thought of hurting myself very single day. I just want the pain to stop. It's the only thing I have control over, I am the only one that can stop it. I am going to stop it.