well, just got back from group dbt therapy. I was scared they were going to send me to inpatient and pull me out of the group if I was honest on my journal sheet about being really suicidal, self-harming, and even OD'ing a few times. They didn't comment on it. The therapists didn't even talk to me. While I'm glad I'm not in inpatient, I thought someone might at least check in with me. Just more people who don't really care when it comes right down to it. All I've done lately is screw things up. I always say or do the wrong thing, or don't say or do the right thing. Everyone just thinks I'm in a bad mood and sometimes they even joke about it. I bring everyone down. My parents have paid for so much therapy, psychiatry, hospital stays, medications. Not to mention tuition bills for a degree I'm never going to be able to finish. It's their time to be free from all that financial burden and disappointment. Nobody on this earth is going to feel bad if I'm gone. Some people might be upset at first but they'll get over it soon enough. My parents have my two brothers who are perfect and they have children so their grandparents. I'll never have anyone special in my life again and I can't have children anyway. My brothers and all my friends have really made something of their lives and then there's me who didn't do anything except be sick, first physically (I had cancer) and now mentally. So my claim to fame is being an f-up. So I think I've reached the end of the line. I keep praying not to wake up every day, but that hasn't worked so far so I guess I'll need to help it along a little. I'll probably screw that up too. Well I hope not too many people wasted their time reading this. I'm sorry if you did. I feel like such a burden. I just had to get some stuff out before I go.