Have tried to keep going for someone else's sake.... but feel like I've come to the end of the road. The need to be here vs the desire to go, tearing me apart. AD's no longer help. GP referred me back to CMHT who have already discharged me 3 times saying they cannot help me. Have been in and out of counseling for 3 years (when I can afford it) and feel all talked-out - talking no longer helps. I don't feel there is an answer except to take myself out of the equation. I know that no one else can wave a magic wand and make everything alright - but if all I've got to rely on is myself, then I'm totally screwed..! No longer trust my own judgement. Can't make decisions, so leave myself open to manipulation by others, which always ends badly. Just want to sleep and not wake up. So tired. Exhausted.