Without going into details i've been let down yet again by the mental health service. Since this is not the first time i'm not surprised but the hurt never gets any less. I've gotten to the point where i feel they are never going to understand the gravity of the situation until i show them. I wanted to do this the easy, civilised way but obviously they don't want to listen so i will have to make them. I wish i didn't have to, i don't really want to stress out my parents anymore than i already have but i don't see any other options - talking does not work! I just cannot continue living like this, i need someone to understand that. I need to make my suicidal thinking a reality. I have always known that if things didn't change i would become so exhausted i'd get to this point. It isn't a surprise, i guess i thought i'd make it to 30 at least before i became this exhausted. But i'm simply not going to try anymore. I won't put myself through all of this. I never asked to be born, i never asked to live this life. I don't feel it is a gift, i feel it is a massive weight filled with responsibilites and pain. I really need to get the details clarified though. Usually i do things by impulse but i won't leave it up to chance this time.