end of the road

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SweetSurrender, May 21, 2009.

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  1. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Without going into details i've been let down yet again by the mental health service. Since this is not the first time i'm not surprised but the hurt never gets any less. I've gotten to the point where i feel they are never going to understand the gravity of the situation until i show them. I wanted to do this the easy, civilised way but obviously they don't want to listen so i will have to make them. I wish i didn't have to, i don't really want to stress out my parents anymore than i already have but i don't see any other options - talking does not work! I just cannot continue living like this, i need someone to understand that. I need to make my suicidal thinking a reality. I have always known that if things didn't change i would become so exhausted i'd get to this point. It isn't a surprise, i guess i thought i'd make it to 30 at least before i became this exhausted. But i'm simply not going to try anymore. I won't put myself through all of this. I never asked to be born, i never asked to live this life. I don't feel it is a gift, i feel it is a massive weight filled with responsibilites and pain.
    I really need to get the details clarified though. Usually i do things by impulse but i won't leave it up to chance this time.
  2. I'm hoping that maybe things have gotten a bit better since you posted this.
    I'm assuming you have someone to talk to when you feel this way, and can hopefully pull out of it a bit and stay alive.
    If you need someone to talk with, feel free to pm me
    just don't feel like you're alone, you can keep going.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hope you are feeling better too...is there anyone who can advocate for you so that you can be the services you need??? Maybe someone here is familiar with the system and can help process what to do...big hugs, J
  4. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I never wanted to go to this psychiatrist this time around. It certainly wasn't my idea to try again! I guess i went because i thought i might as well take a chance and foolishly i forgot how painful it is when noone listens. I'm still at a loss of what to do, i'm not feeling actively suicidal anymore, i think i managed to curb that feeling slightly by semi-overdosing that evening. I say semi because it was an overdose of 2 different medications i don't take anymore but i knew it wasn't enough to kill me, just enough to cause me some pain.

    I have my parents who keep on at me constantly to try drs/therapists in order to get a 'cure' but i find it ridiculous that they don't even find it is important to read up on any diagnosis' i am given. I feel so alone because they simply want me to 'be better'. They honestly believe that if i follow what the dr says to the letter i'll be better within the yr/2yrs. I dutifully follow treatment until i realise that it actually isn't making any difference to my mood, the only change is that everyone else has forgotten how hard i'm struggling.

    I just cannot understand how the dr can hear me tell him that i feel suicidal and still just assume that the depression is something that i am able to deal with. I quite obviously cannot. I may put on a good show but it doesn't mean things are not falling apart behind the scenes.

    I don't think there is a way forward anymore...except coping until i decide enough is enough.
  5. ozinuk

    ozinuk Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say SweetSurrender I too have travelled the same path you are travelling with your "DR'S" and the results are pretty much the same. There's nothing I can say that can answer your questions all I can say is I know exactly how you feel.
  6. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    It is quite devestating to realise that the medical professionals can't help us... I remember when the penny dropped for me that actually I was f*cked cos there wasn't actually anyone to 'save me', which I think I'd originally believed (like your parents) could happen if I was a good enough girl. It's very disappointing but I know some people have managed to get their lives back, through therapies, through identifying something that is important enough to keep them going for now until they can find a real purpose to carry on. I would urge you to try and do likewise if at all possible... just getting through each day at a time if that's what it takes.
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