End of the road?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ashcrostep, Apr 6, 2011.

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  1. ashcrostep

    ashcrostep Active Member

    I've been depressed for quite a while now, and cant see myself getting better. Lately the thoughts and urges to commit suicide have been stronger and stronger, and results in me doing stupid a few nights ago. It didnt work though and I'm still here to continue with this hell. I dont really know whats wrong with me, things are not really that bad for me but I just cant see the good in anything at all.
    I cant seem to get any better and so now I have given up hope of it ever happening.
    I think that being in hospital would probably be the safest thing for me at the moment but I dont know how to go about that, I'm too scared to go alone. I dont even know what I'd say if I went to A&E to ask for help, I dont want to have to explain to a receptionist. I really want help to get better, but I am just too scared to ask for it. I hate the feeling of trying something and it not working, it makes me feel like I have failed and makes me feel even worse. The doctor is trying to help, but its just not working. I feel guilty when something doesnt work, like I'm wasting their time. I have the doctors tomorrow but I dont know whether to tell her about the other night or not, it might just worry her and since there is nothing she can do to help me I dont see the point in doing that.
    I dont know what to do anymore, I feel like its the end of the road for me.
     
  2. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you've got this on your plate. It's all we need what with the rest of the UK going to hell on a hand basket, right?

    First things first, if you did go to an A and E for help - the staff there have the process well planned and you won't be left to explain things perhaps with others around. Ask for a quiet place to talk.

    Have you not got family you can ask to go with you? I mean, if you are real bad tonight then it would be best to take some caution. If you admit yourself - you'lll be put on a ward, with your own room, and assessed over a few days. You might be out quickly depending on how you cope.

    On the other hand if your OK to get through tonight, then the doctors is a good place to take some proactive decision for yourself. You can get counselling and I'm presuming you've tried medication?

    I know its east to lie on that. I was prescribed but never took it.

    Also, have you got help with your benefits and so on? If your illness gets worse, you could be entitled to more benefits. Might not seem like its worth it now but trust me you need to take care of that end.

    As for not wanting to try something in case it does not work - you might clinging on to what you know - depression makes it frightening to have any change in your life. Living with this is not an option. It is soul destroying to not have any hope or interests - to wake up feeling like you want to die and go to bed thinking the same.

    Nobody wants that - and life does not have to be that way. It should be fun - now and again, but you need to get some help to get you into the situation were you can start to feel just a bit better and have some optimism.

    Good luck, God bless and give yourself a chance - take that chance and try medication or a stay in hospital if your really bad.

    Many people go through that route and come out of it and actually find a life again.
     
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, please don't feel like you are wasting anyone's time. you have a real illness which is deserving of treatment. frankly, it should be the doctor who should be concerned about not having found a treatment for you!

    please give the doctor all of the information which is relevant. they can't really help you unless they know what is going on.

    I think that things can get much better for you, but it may take some time and effort.

    I hope that things get better soon!

    :)
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Steph...you are worth the doctor's time and her guidance...change takes a while and you should not expect anything to happen magically...maybe you can practice the conversation you want to have with her and write it down so that if you cannot say it, you can read it...please PM me if I can help you with that...big hugs and please stay safe, J
     
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