Problems: 1. In the past year I have moved to Tennessee to go to rehab. I've been in over 10 half-way houses, all of which I hated. I hate living here. 2. I have made no friends in the past year. I cannot "Feel" relationships anymore and not even my friends back in jersey or loved ones can comfort me. Most of them won't take my calls. 3. Constant suicidal thoughts. 4. I'm on 3 antidepressants which only prevent me from IMMEDIATELY killing myself. I have tried previously three times with near-fatal overdoses. I just don't care anymore. It's as if when people try to help, they may as well have the value of thin air. I cry everyday uncontrollably and curl up in a ball. The anguish has left me in daily agony. Nothing makes me happy, even playing my guitar, which I used to love. I have no goals and have been in a nervous breakdown state for about a year now. I've been hospitalized over 20 times in 3 years, and 3 times for the attempts. I feel hopeless and utterly alone; an aimless wanderer with no purpose. I won't OD if I try again. Most likely I will [do something that is instantaneous]. I don't care about it anymore. Everyday is pain, which is unrelenting. I have to abuse drugs just to get the thoughts in my head from becoming active attempts. I have no one. Everyone is dead to me. This time might be the last...I don't know how much of this I can take. Medically, there is NOTHING anybody can do anymore, everything has been tried. Counceling is nice, although years of it hasn't gotten me that far. Hospitalization only extends my pain, and then I have to end up relocating (AGAIN) which is intolerably stressful, esp. because I've done it SO SO SO many times this year. I feel destined to take my own life. I can't think of anything I really can do for my future. Working makes me depressed, people make me depressed. Consciousness makes me depressed. It never lets up.