I have been dropping up and down into depression for my entire adult life, and the first time was by far the worst because I had no coping mechanisms in place to help me, or self-tests to check for depression, and that first time I came quite close to killing myself, it is only the fact that I believe in Hell that saved me really, (no point in suicide if you're going to somewhere worse when you do) though I was still tempted to risk it. I say this to explain that I wasn't just "slightly miserable" or anything, and during this time I came up with a few realisations about life, and here are two:
1) If suicide is on the table as an option, you are free from consequence, this is not to say you should go nuts, but rather, you can try anything to escape your situation, all those things you thought you couldn't do, run away and start again, quit your job, confront that person who abused you in the past, tell people around you about your problems, anything, these are now options, because suicide is the great "undo" button.
2) If you plan to kill yourself anyway, you should try every other option first. Suicide is a last move, literally, so it should be your last move, it should come after all other options, and as stated above, everything is an option now, no money for therapy? ask family for help on that front, or hell, get committed, in pain? try wild every strange or new-age crap thats claims to kill that pain, if nothing else it will be a distraction.
Suicide is a way out sure, but just having it as an option gives you so many ways to stay in that ultimately, you may not need it in the end. Im not sure if this helps you, but just knowing this helped me a bit.