Ending the pain

[Stormy]

I so badly want to die. I have a plan, the means to carry it out, I've had it all sorted in my head for a while now, but I set a date in the future as I thought I'd feel better then.
The thing is, that date is coming up and I don't feel any better, in fact I feel worse. It's all to much to cope with, I don't want to live anymore.

I can't seek help due to my situation so in holding it all inside.
I really don't want to hurt the 2 people that truly love me, but I can't be with them and it's killing me.
I miss them so much.
Nobody else would notice if I wasn't here, my family would probably be relieved that I'm not their problem anymore.
I feel that I have to do it because I've set that date and nothing is any better.

 

[Dikta]

I know how you feel and find myself in kinda the same boat.
But I'm sorry that it's all too much for you.
But still not quite sure why you can't seek help?
And do you live far from the 2 people or? And I know how it is to miss someone badly. But it'll get better.
And I'm sure your family will miss you and cares about you.

And you don't have to, just because the date is near.
Just hang in there. It'll get better.

 

[Stormy]

I'm going through a court process at the moment and everything I do is scrutinised and twisted against me, if I tell anyone how I'm feeling it will be used against me.
The court process is what's keeping me from those 2 people. I love them more than words can say and living without them is tearing me apart, it's like part of me is missing- a huge part.
It's never going to get better that's the problem. I'm missing so much of their lives I can't cope, I just want them back where they should be. But if that's never going to happen then what is the point?!

 

[Brian777]

Hey Stormy, I'd suggest you seek help, I know you said you can't but holding it inside isn't going to help any.
I also believe you'd definetly hurt your family and those that love you. Therapy and medication can get you through this time, please consider it.
Brian

 

[Dikta]

I'm sorry to hear that and I can imagine it's hard.
But it'd still be best that you seek professional help.
I kinda get the feeling it's your kids? So you'll be able to get them back when you feel better. I know it might not help to hear just now, but you'll focus on getting better for them.

And I know the feeling with loving someone more than words can describe, missing them and just feel like a part is missing. And I know it's hard, but it will get better. And I understand that it's hard to miss so much if their lives, but you'll be able to be there for them in the rest of their lives.
I hope it makes sense, since not sure if I put the right wording in. But I mean it well.

 

[Stormy]

I'm on antidepressants and have weekly counselling, but nothing or no one can help this situation.
I feel that it won't ever end until I end it

 

[Stormy]

I won't get them back, my abusive ex attacked me out of the blue, so they took my kids from me and went on to believe all his toxic lies, they disbelieve that he ever attacked me, despite the evidence in front of them.
They are abusing me as much as he has and I simply can't take anymore.

 

[Dikta]

I'm sorry to hear that it's not helping, but if you keep going and taking your antidepressants, I'm sure it'll work.

And also very sorry to hear that. But how old are your kids? Just asking since here they have to be a certain age to give a statement about where they want to live and such.
And you have evidence still? Like police reports and pictures or was it a one time thing? Since was there witnesses and such?

 

[Brian777]

Stormy. I know you feel overwhelmed and hurt right now, but live for the two people that love you, they need you here for them. Do everything you can to stay. This court process is probably what has you feeling so bad, speak with your counsellor/Doctor maybe they can increase or change your meds to get over this bad time. We care about you on this forum so please stay safe.
Brian

 

[Stormy]

I've been on the antidepressants for years, but like everything else, they can't help with this pain, nothing can.
I am just confused that this date is coming up, I thought I'd be feeling better not worse. It's very set in my mind.

 

[Brian777]

Stormy are you getting legal counsel on what to say and how to act. Maybe concentrate on doing saying the right things that will help get your children back. I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be overwhelming for you.

 

[Dikta]

Sorry to hear that. But at least try what Brian777 suggested, about talking with your counselor.

And don't think about that date, it'll just cause you to overthink. Do something nice that day instead?

 

[Stormy]

I will try, I have been talking to my counsellor but she knows how impossible the situation is and knows no one can help.
I'll talk to her again tomorrow.
Thanks for replying and sorry to moan, it's all I ever seem do these days!

 

[Brian777]

Hey Stormy, you've no need to apologize for anything, we're here to support you anytime. Also, nothing is an impossible situation, we never really know how things will turn out until they do, don't lose hope my friend and most of all, your children love you and love is the strongest force in the universe. Keep the love of your children strong in your heart.
Bless you sister
Brian

 

[Dikta]

Don't be sorry for it, we're people here who'll listen, understand and help.
And I think it's a good idea to talk with her again, since it's not an impossible situation.

 

[ghostangelcake7]

I am on the same boat. I can only suggest you make life work for you, any way possible, even if it means staying busy with a job and then hobbies, maybe take a class or study a subject of interest. I am really trying to salvage my life as best I can at this point.
Oh how can I forget I am also volunteering, but not alot right now, so it's sparse in how much time I'm actually there. Right now I'm too divulged in trying to move out and on with my life. I really hope you can hang in here and just keep yourself busy, life is fragile enough as it is, just do the best you can to get by. I have to, and my life is truly messed up..

 

[electricalanomaly]

I've been on the antidepressants for years, but like everything else, they can't help with this pain, nothing can.
I am just confused that this date is coming up, I thought I'd be feeling better not worse. It's very set in my mind.

Please try to stay strong for your children. I wish I could ease your pain.

 

[Stormy]

Thanks for all of the support. I managed to talk to my counsellor today and let her know how desperately low I am. Within an hour I was in the doctors office. The mental health crisis team are going to contact me. That scares me as I don't want to be put in hospital, and I am not hopeful it will help but you never know.
At least I've asked for help now, feels like a little weight off the load.

 

[Brian777]

Hi Stormy, I'm sure it is a scary situation for you, but at least you'll get the help you need, whether through therapy or medication they will help you. You'll be okay my friend
Brian

 

[Brian777]

Stormy, let us know how you are doing......we care about you
Hugs
Brian