I am just crying because I had a little fight with my boyfriend ... why? because I once again started to pity myself, my past, my life. And by making a big deal of my life and how bad it is I think I disappointed him. But of course everything is in my head only. My rational part of brain knows he loves me and I am not a disappointment .... but then my irrational part of brain always wins. And once again I feel worse and start to pity myself again and the vicious circle starts again. I am writing in a very bad state so sorry for my grammar ... but I scratched my hands until it started to hurt really bad. I used to cut myself and if he was not in the same room now I would cut myself again .. for the first time in 5 years. I dont want to lose my bf, because he is the best person I have ever met. And I know I am losing myself by arguing with him about things he can not understand because I never told him about my past, and he is not to be blamed. He always treats me the best. I wonder what is wrong with me .. but if I lose him now ...I wont survive.