Endless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Zero00, Nov 25, 2007.

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  1. Zero00

    Zero00 Member

    Every day I think about ending my life. The part of me that always destroys everything thinks it is a great idea but the other part of me is afraid. Mostly I love my life and I do not want it to end. Sometimes I just lose control of my mind and these crazy psychotic thoughts take over. When it happens I can't feel anything but a huge black emptiness. Sometimes my head and my chest hurt and sometimes I cry. I can barely breath or move and I just lay there, feeling my heart beating and wishing it would just stop.

    This happens every day.

    Every. Single. Day.

    I usually wake up early after my nightmares and the first thing I think is "I'm going to die." Sometimes it doesn't last very long. Other times it will take almost my entire day away from me. When I feel that badly I can't go out in public at all. I can't go to class with my eyes full of tears.

    I can't live like this anymore. I know it will always comes back. I have no control over it anymore. I've been this way for as long as I can remember and it is getting worse as time passes.

    I feel hopeless, as if I cannot escape.
     
  2. cakeyz

    cakeyz New Member

    seriously though, stick it out. just find something you like and have fun
     
  3. Zero00

    Zero00 Member

    I have fun sometimes. There are many things that I enjoy and that I'm good at but they never seem to keep me distracted for very long. When I'm broken down I can't function properly and nothing brings me comfort except the thought of death.
     
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Have you tried joining an activity group, or something? Or like a group that meets once a week and does something you enjoy doing? I sympathize, though. Take care. xx
     
  5. PeeOnYou

    PeeOnYou Member

    I completely understand what you're saying as I've gone through this for years. I can't believe I'm still here actually. There have been good times I'm glad I didn't miss, but those rotten broke down times are still here as well and that tends to wear me down to the point where I just don't care anymore.

    I wish I had some answers for you but I don't. Just know that I'm in the same predicament and have been for quite some time, although I haven't actively sought advice or help for it like you.
     
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