Every day I think about ending my life. The part of me that always destroys everything thinks it is a great idea but the other part of me is afraid. Mostly I love my life and I do not want it to end. Sometimes I just lose control of my mind and these crazy psychotic thoughts take over. When it happens I can't feel anything but a huge black emptiness. Sometimes my head and my chest hurt and sometimes I cry. I can barely breath or move and I just lay there, feeling my heart beating and wishing it would just stop. This happens every day. Every. Single. Day. I usually wake up early after my nightmares and the first thing I think is "I'm going to die." Sometimes it doesn't last very long. Other times it will take almost my entire day away from me. When I feel that badly I can't go out in public at all. I can't go to class with my eyes full of tears. I can't live like this anymore. I know it will always comes back. I have no control over it anymore. I've been this way for as long as I can remember and it is getting worse as time passes. I feel hopeless, as if I cannot escape.