Energy

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by south-east, Jul 9, 2013.

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  1. south-east

    south-east New Member

    As time goes by I feel that suicide is more and more likely. I am getting to be more afraid to live than to die. I don't have anything left after my first break-up from someone who proved to be not worthy. He was sleeping around when we got together and he ended up being violent after I worked it out and spent months struggling to forgive him. My friend slept with him. I had career dreams but now I don't know about the next 24 hours. My relationship with my parents is also now over and I moved out and have had no contact since. I realised that they were abusive in their own way and battered my self-esteem in their own ways. I can't see my old social world because seeing my ex makes me panic and shut-down. The pain is too great, and I associate him with mind-numbing pain. Every time I have seen him I end up doubled up in pain in bed for a month. It's not worth it. I am so full of anger I have lost all my friends one by one. And now the anger is gone, there is nothing left. Anger was all I was for a long time. The paradox is that it requires energy to rebuild a world and a life and repair ravages. Equally it it requires a support and a world to have energy. I am now so thin and drawn and I wander around the world distrusting everyone I meet. I don't know what the answer is as I have tried every therapy and had the support of my GP, and can't cope anymore. The end doesn't seem far away. I just don't know what it will look like. <mod edit>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 9, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome..It seems that you have done very much for yourself but it sounds like you are not giving yourself any credit for doing so many brave things...yes, it takes time to rebuild one's life, but it is done in slow increments...I hope you take advantage of all you have done to make your life better...you deserve to be satisfied...and maybe giving therapy a try again now that you have come this far
     
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