so i am engaged but i've been having a lot of doubts lately. my relationship with him has never been easy and we've had our differences. he lost my trust awhile ago and i feel like he doesn't care to get it back or doesn't know how to. i know he's not up front with me about a lot of things that matter...including lying to me about smoking and being able to pay his half of the rent. i feel like i'm always a bitch to him now. like nothing he does is good enough for me. and that makes me feel awful. i've always told my friends that if you feel like you have to change someone in a relationship to make them what you want, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person. but anyway, so he and i are engaged. we are supposed to be getting married in like less than 6 months. almost everything has been reserved and deposits have been made. but i am absolutely terrified at the thought of marrying him. i have doubts that i could spend the rest of my life with him and i don't want to become another divorce statistic. i've known for awhile that i feel like i'm "settling" for him but decided that was fine. i've never been truly happy in my life before, why start now? i know he's not meeting my emotional or physical needs, and i think i'm starting to look for those elsewhere. so what does that mean, i marry him but i just end up cheating on him? i really don't know what to do. i love him and there are good times between us. but is that enough to make up for the doubts and feeling terrified? if i did decide to call it off, it would wreck my family, him, and his family. and we live together so i don't even know how the lease would work. neither of us can afford to live here alone. it's just the closer the wedding gets, the more depressed and freaked out i get. and i really don't think that's normal. i just feel so hopeless and i guess i'm just asking for any advice or anything that anybody can give me, although i think i might already know the answer...i just don't know if i'm strong enough to do it.