edit: before anyone worries, i'm not the type to do suicide. tried once in 2002 but no real success. just a lingering depression with occasional bipolar fueled delusional normality. 6 months ago i met a girl via the internet who's serving life. her ex killed someone, and the question is whether she put him up to it or not - i'm not sure but she tells me she didn't. either way she didn't go to the police. the strange thing is, i feel like i don't have anything to live for but she's going strong. how strange is that. i've been on this board quite a while ago for a few posts, looks like i'm back here again. job futile. social life dead. social anxiety holding strong. life is dull. pointless. no progress. no real joy. the world is an unpleasant place. while individual people can be quite pleasant, groups, crowds and the human race as a whole are cold. i wonder why the girl is with me. probably because the few dollars i give her are a lot to her. and support from the outside of any kind is probably very welcome. but i have a feeling that's all there is to it. even if i knew that for certain, i'd probably still stick with her cos firstly i feel sorry for her and can't just withdraw my support without feeling incredibly guilty, and also, it's all i have. pretty pathetic. i wonder what she'd do if i told her. i wish i hadn't got into it because honestly i wish i could just die. but i'm just too chicken to kill myself. the only way it could work is if i overdosed on some kind of anaesthetic. hmmm. MJ had the right idea. what's his doctors name??