Not even kidding you, I've been pondering this and it all makes sense. How many times have I been refused treatment when I was incredibly suicidally depressed or, as the case is now, manic to the point where it is causing me great distress? First time I went to the doctors for depression I told her I was having extremely strong suicidal urges that I FELT I COULD NOT RESIST MUCH LONGER. I was told this was NORMAL and that it would pass and nothing was done for it! A year later she did exactly the same thing when my depression came back worse! I went to see a psychiatrist due to being convinced I have Borderline Personality Disorder (I match EVERY SYMPTOM and it impacts my life SEVERELY) he barely listened to me and told me I had "traits" but didn't have borderline and sent a letter to my GP advising that it would be "DETRIMENTAL" to me to be involved in the mental health services any longer. DETRIMENTAL. I also saw a mental health nurse the other day who I showed my mood charts to. Symptoms that other bipolars have recognised as hypomania and even mania, that's having a severe impact on my life and making me feel like I'm losing my mind, and they tell me it's NORMAL! NORMAL FOR DEPRESSED PEOPLE TO FEEL LIKE THAT!! Apparently depressed people get 'highs' too!!! They want me OUT OF THE SYSTEM be that dead or gone! Because they certainly don't care if I die and how much do they have to gain from it? How much does it cost to treat a BPD patient? 4-10 years of therapy I believe is the norm plus sometimes antidepressants and mood stabilisers. How much does it cost to treat a bipolar patient? A life time of medication, and sometimes therapy. I am literally burning a hole in their fucking pocket and despite being so manic that I can barely think straight at the minute they're telling me it's normal and there is nothing wrong with me! Let me get on with this mood that is fucking with me and making me feel like I am actually losing my mind. They told me to get on with the depression as though it was as easy as that. When I took my overdose the self harm specialist nurse told me she would get in contact with services and call me back. I called back TWICE asking if she was actually planning on calling me back at any point, when I was told lies like "they copied your number down wrong" and "we'll call you back tomorrow" absolute fucking bullshit because like 3 months later they still haven't bothered. I could be feeling so fucking helpless right now that the people who saw me after my OD didn't even give a fucking shit enough to call me back so maybe they're hoping that I'll fucking actually kill myself next time? I'm pretty sure that's what they're thinking. They do not want me in the fucking services at any cost. They know my depressions are getting worse and worse to the point where I can't deal with them and soon I will be trying to kill myself. So they're going to withhold treatment until I do just that. They want me dead and it wouldn't shock me if they did this all the time to patients - after all it's not only me who is having severe difficulty with the NHS! It's every fucking mental health patient out there. Well they're not gonna fucking win and they're not gonna kill me because I'm not giving up and I'm going to bombard their fucking service, GP, crisis team, A+E, mental health services, until they fucking help me!