Enigam

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by INeedGuidance, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. INeedGuidance

    INeedGuidance New Member

    I'm making this post as an outlet, I'm not expecting a reply or such...I just need it to be said

    I know I'm only being dramatic, and I will feel no such uncertainty when I awake.

    I'm not one who has had everything given to me but one who has had what is needed within grasp. I never understood when I was younger, the actions of my mother. However now I wish I could show her just what I've gained but I am a failure. All my life I've been told I have potential and I've tried to work toward it only to see it slip away. I had blind optimism to believe that it would all work out. I went to college with scholarships and left with no degree and in debt. I moved out of my mom's house in an attempt to gain my independence. I like relying on myself and being responsible for myself, thus I cast my own problems on myself but I can't handle myself now.

    I am one who has made myself available to "friends" of mine in need (even sacrificing my job). In exchange I asked only that when I truly needed it that they be there for me. I fell on hard times in mid January, and no one came through for me. I drowned out my pains in alcohol and outside of myself got into a car and drove and crashed. I see my life spiraling in no certain direction. I didn't physically hurt myself or anyone else but the wounds are there. (A dui isn't the end of the world but I can't seem to work past it). My "friends" told me they were there if I needed help. I've worked through most of it on my own but when I have fallen in need of help they all turn a blind eye as if I don't exist.

    It has been my experience thus far that the ones who are willing to give are those who need help themselves, but I refuse to except that kind of help. I've put myself in this position and I know it. But I don't know how to fix it and I don't want to do something stupid...but its going to happen...I just hope everyone is okay in the end...including myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WE all need help hun at one time or another so i do hope you reach out to your parents hun ok they will support y ou and it is ok We are not infallible we make mistakes learn from them so please reach out to your family and get some support to get you back on a good path