Enough is enough...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    So I used to visit this site regularly(daily) but in the past 18 months I've visited way less only a handful of times total. So many of you may not know me all

    I tried to just live my life the best I could and try to forget my problems and move on, but that hasn't gone well at all.

    In a way I'm worse off, I have been diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, I have this pilonidal cyst at the very top of my butt crack that is an issue every month if not every week. Even the past few weeks I've had this rash over my legs that's quite itchy. Due to my health issues I haven't been working out sine the end of 2011 and I have way less muscle which is very depressing.

    MY ex gf who I thought was different broke up with me at the end of August despite her telling me she loved me. We were together for 10 months so pretty much a year. She helped give me the strength to go out a bit here and there. Now I virtually never leave my house. Weeks on end go by and the only time I've left my house is when I have to buy cigarettes or just a really quick trip to the store for something I need.

    Oh I also hate smoking my Ex smoked but I quit back in septemeber. except in December I was having horrible pains in my stomach from my ulcerative colitis and I read how smoking can help. Well since I started smoking again I dont have the horrible pains. I dont smoke much only a pack in 5 days or a week.

    I could go on about my problems, I'd literally be a week long special on Dr. Phil I have so many issues.

    In November 2009 I went out with this guy that I knew back when I was in school so 6-10 years(at that time). I was meeting a couple other buddies I knew so I wasn't too worried but I had a bad gut feeling as lots of strange things had happened to me in the few months leading up to them(abusive events) I got my dad to drive me down because I wanted to the responsible thing and not drive drunk because that was my birthday weekend so I wanted to drink. Well anyways that night some enemies of mine got revenge on me, I was asked if I needed a ride home and because I did the responsible thing(not drink and drive) I did. Well I was taken to this pizza place and there was this secluded bathroom down this long dark hall where I was asssaulted toyed with and my hand was broken. I was literally so drunk I dont remember but I know for sure what happened going back and asking questions. These guys were so pathetic they couldn't get me when I was sober in a state of mind to defend myself.

    One guy(monster) even wrote on his facebook "your sofa king we taught it" Sofa king(look it up on the urban dictionary) is where you mess with someone who's drunk and get them to say something over and over("I love you was that" it was also written all over the walls in that secluded pizza place bathroom)". He also referred to be as an "it" when in fact he's the monster. Now when someone tells me I love you it can be a trigger to all that abuse, and horrible things that followed.

    The recent story in the news out of Chicago where those two football players were charged with rape of that girl who was so passed out drunk herself really reminds me of this incident. There's that picture of the two men carrying her. They got 1 year in jail each because they weren't 18 or else it would have been a few years probably.

    I have a lot of anger built up in me. When we feel agitated we feel more in control then when we feel sad and depressed.

    I also have enemies in the drug game and the other weekend when I was home alone someone tried to break in right at 4:20 AM as my house alarm went off at that time when I was in my room watching tv. Maybe someone was just trying to mess with me or maybe they actually intended to break inside. I almost wish they broke into the house that way I could have killed them in self defense!

    Even my sons mom has said some horrible things to me like "you're ruined", "I hate them, "I hate them all, they created a monster"(referring to people who abused me). Then she tries text me "i miss you" out of the blue a few weeks ago. Screw that why would I ever want to be with someone who said horrible things like that to me and thought of me as disposable who would always be there for her to fall back on when things didn't work out with others. After my son was born we tried to work things out and tried being in a relationship. Except she picked a fight with me over some BS money issue then she told me she liked the guy who she ended up with when she was preggo because I isolated myself after the abuse. Well she ended up on POF after we broke up then, she also told me how she made a fake FB account to see if that guy would "bite".

    I'm tired of being genuine, kind to people especially women and I just end up alone and treated like a disposable piece of crap. It really tempts be to be a jerk to some of these entitled princesses because if you're just nice they walk all over you and you get no where. Like this girl who lives out of town I've been texting with for months and months yet I've never met has claimed her love for me yet been absuive. I really think she's just a phony and a total waste of time now. Her excuses include "My parents are broke so I can't visit because they need all my money", "I can't get time off work"(when she works part time), I'm getting my wisdom teeth done, then she didnt get them done when she said. She told me I should get back with my sons mom over and over when I was opening up to her about some stuff not even listening to me. Almost in a passive aggressive manor. If someone really loved someone they would want to be with them not go back to someone else... This girl would blow up over little things and blame me for it, any little thing she didn't like she would just say bye for the night or more often bye for good. The cold shoulder treatment is a form of abuse.

    Even my parents weren't there for me times I had been abused. My mom was so ignorant to how the real world works at least she understands how stupid she was now. Denying abuse is abuse itself and can be very harmful to someone's mental health especially when it's a parent who should be in a protector role. The Dr. Phil book "Life Code" has opened her eyes. It's a really good read I suggest getting the book, too bad it's a little late though. As they say though better late then never...

    I'll end this post at that as It's pretty long...
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I understand that there's a few issues in this post.

    For a start, to forget problems, they are better to be resolved. If they are, in a way, ignored, they can cause all sorts of other issues to seem magnified and taken out of context of what they were to begin with.

    Then if I take the 'incident' where you say you've been assaulted. Far be it for me to criticise, but didn't you put yourself into that position initially by getting yourself drunk? This is where having others tell you what happened becomes twisted, biased, and you could have, in the event of not remembering, had a possibility of falling over, landing awkwardly and breaking your hand that way. Unless there was a follow up of police based evidence that included either fingerprints or DNA testing, or 100% medical proof that you couldn't have done it to yourself, there is no guaranteed certainty that it actually happened in the way you say it did. No-one knows anybody else 100%. Regardless of those who think they do.

    In the respect of being genuine and kind, you have to set some boundaries yourself as to what you believe or do. You spend months and months texting someone who claims love yet is abusive, but you maintained this contact for this long instead of just not replying and ignoring her in return. She didn't want to really be with you, with telling you to go back to your sons mum on more than one occasion, and you want to criticise her for not listening, when you didn't read that as a sign that she wasn't interested. Anything else about her is your biased opinion based on what you know of her and how you believe her to be.

    I'm not sure about what happened between you and your sons mum from this, although I could suggest that you maybe had changed because of your approach and how you allowed what they did to affect your friendship/relationship. It is so much easier to whine and moan about how others treat you, but did you change in this period of time? If you did, how would you know what you were doing to the others in these situations? Ok, you made yourself readily available for her, does that entitle you to be critical if she didn't behave exactly as you wanted her to? After you broke up from your sons mum, she ended up on a dating site, which is her choice, her life, not something you can use against her in anyway.

    You have anger issues built up inside you too. But from what i've read here, so going on one post of note, it seems like you've got some formats of misguided anger because you're not seeing that you are naive/gullible to allow people to treat you in the way they do. It's all very well to be kind and or nice, but you have to have some restrictions as to what you'd allow yourself to be put through. Sounds like you also have no boundaries, which then leads to the impression of being walked all over, yet it could all be managed better with them in place?

    In regards to celebrities or sportspeople, if they were charged with such an act, were they convicted? To be given sentence of 1 year, the answer is yes. There must have been sufficient evidence, they can do swabs to find DNA in and around certain areas of people these days to decipher if there was any left by other people. News stories can be complete nonsense though, because journalists can twist any quotes by anyone and cause them to lose their careers without any thought.
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Unimportant - Was there really any need to be so fucking harsh and judgemental? No one puts themselves into the position of being abused. NO ONE!!

    Light - I'm sorry to hear what's happened. You clearly have been trying and making an effort to better things, but I know first hand that there comes a point when making an effort just seem hopeless because of all the negative results it's had in the past. I hope you can find it within you to continue trying. Sooner or later, something will give. And I know how trying it can be to be nice to people and get nothing in return.

    I believe you are referring to the Steubenville rape case? I was appalled at how the media handled that, to show such sympathy for the rapists. It was shocking, to say the least. But that's rape culture for you. A lot of victims are painted in a bad way because there is such ignorance around the subject, people (like Unimportant, sadly) being of the mind that you put "yourself into that position initially by getting yourself drunk?" No one, not ever, puts themselves into the position of getting abused. Nasty people choose to do nasty things. I'm so sorry you had to suffer at the hands of idiots.

    You say you haven't been working because of your health. Could be perhaps volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week? It would keep you busy, get you motivated. I feel it's always worth a go.

    I find that people really don't know how to be around people with mental/emotioanl health problems. It's still quite taboo, but at least we have each other here on this forum. All we can ever do is try to raise awareness, to talk to each other and give one another advice. It's sounds like things with that girl are doomed - maybe she's nervous about getting into a relationship? Or feels you still want to be with your ex? Either way, you need someone who is going to be patient and understanding. I think you need to give yourself some time to heal before getting back out into the world of dating.

    I'm here if you want to talk xx
  4. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Wow really unimportant... That's a ridiculous statement to go on about you don't know 100% and call it an "'incident'" , get out of here. There is no support whatsoever in your post, you're really going to talk about DNA ,police reports, and fingerprints. Sounds quite odd almost like you're a lawyer for my enemies... I know what happened 100% without a doubt this is my life we're talking about. Lot's of murders are solved without fingerprints and DNA.

    I stopped reading the rest of your post, that's unacceptable and I'm not going to take that treatment. I've learned not to give people the benefit of the doubt and always be in investigatory mode(that's how I know what happened) and with what you're saying you certainly don't get the benefit of any doubt whatsoever. I've actually caught abusive games people have played on me due to my investigatory mode which oddly enough was highlighted in doctor phils book as one of the keys to success in dealing in the 'real world'.

    Thank you snarrylover for the kind words.

    Yes that's the case I'm referring too.I watched that case on the news and they said how the teens were saying horrible degrading things as well. When I was set up it was planned so in a way premeditation is worse(in the eyes of the law) not like there is any real way to compare certain abusive situations.

    I regret even getting with my last girlfriend, I haven't even been with anyone since her even though this one girl wanted me to have sex with her on my birthday(way back in novemeber) but I just couldn't do it because that's not what I want. I should have just stayed alone, or at least not gotten with my last ex. Some of my health issues came up after I was with my ex of 10 months, the ulcerative colitis and I got really sick but luckily I tested negative for HIV and we always used condoms.
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hi Light,

    I believe we used to speak in chat a while back. Sorry to hear about the breakup with your gf and the health issues. We should have a catchup :) Pm me anytime!