I don't want to go back to DBT, they were questioning yesterday whether I was suitable for it, why? I know why, because I am not an easy patient. They want easy patients so they can have a high success rate. Anxiety is absolutely crippling me. I'm finding it extraordinary hard to leave the house. Like it's really bad. I have SO many bad/stupid/ embarrassing memories, I can't seem to find a middle ground. I have had enough of life, I no longer want to be here. The anxiety is overwhelming, making me vomit, driving my mind crazy. Please someone give me some hope I was doing good in general but only leaving the house for the odd short walk or appointments. I don't want to kill myself, I just want to die. I won't take my own life. I cannot relax, day or night. I am on several medications all at the maximum doses, I for once have no idea what to do. Changing medications is not an option, I've been on tons and these are the best that have worked for me. I was diagnosed with diabetes last week, I have a lot of weight to lose, it feels like an impossible task. Sorry, I just needed to let that all out.