Enough now.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I am tired of pretending things might get better, things might work out. I do all the "right things" - I am pro-active - I get off my arse and I try to "fix" it. Yeah, some days I'm crap, but most days I force myself to do the things on the checklist, make myself get up and out even though what I want to do is curl up in a corner and die. Make myself live.
    Every time I think it might be getting better - every time I think that something might improve - everything falls apart again.
    I'm trapped and I can't get out and now, to top it all off, transpires that I am sick again. And I can't DO the constant pain and hospital visit after hospital visit again. It was hard enough the first time round when I still thought I had something worth going through it for - when I still thought there was another side to come out of.
    This time I know there isn't.
    So I get to stop now, right? I've tried, and I've fought, and yes - I know I fucked it up myself and I have only myself to blame for it being an utter nightmare now - but I get to stop now. Right?
    I don't know what I hate more; my life or myself, but either way. Enough now.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't be so hard on you okay You get to rest now to recouperate go into hospital for awhile let the team there work to help you okay YOu stay safe hun you are so worth the fight hun Hugs to you