enough to put me to sleep permanantly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by morning rush, Apr 22, 2009.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Okay this is a long story and I'm sorry for writing about it but right now I'm inches away from ending it. I'm shaking and crying and feeling really shitty.

    My friend has left her boyfriend in a hurry. She said he was abusive among other things and that she needed space and she didnt love him. So I went to help her move when her boyfriend wasnt there. I had to sleep over there, and one thing I can't do is sleep overs, I can't sleep so I didnt. The day of the move, I helped her and stayed with her during the entire day. Since she left in a hurry, she didnt bring alot of things so she's missing loads of essential stuff. I loaned her 40$ to help out and said I would come over the next day (which is today) I left her a message that I would be at her house at noon. I decided to bring her my radio(plays cds and is super heavy) because I thought at least she could listen to music or the radio.

    So next day, I'm there but she isnt. I decide to wait for about 40 mins and then decide to go to the restaurant next door and eat something then I come back but she's still not there. So reluctantly I go home. Just as I get in the door, I see she's on msn so we talk and she appologises and asks me to meet her at a bus crossing. I say yes(although I didnt really want). She lives about an hour by bus and the rally was further than that so I got there 45 min late. SHe wasn't there. So I waited 40 min until a new bus came. I went back home. And by then I'm upset, cold to the bone and hungry.

    Also before I left to meet her a second time, her boyfriend called me saying that she called him and that she said she wanted him to move with her but thought he wouldnt want to that she loved him and he was suposed to meet her later in the evening and bring some stuff.

    So now, I don't know what to think, she just came on msn to tell me how she waited a long time for me and figured I took the wrong bus and took a taxi and that she just doesnt know where she's at. But the way she said it was like it was all my fault somehow. How the fuck is all this my fault? What I'm this bad friend who's taking advantage of her??

    RIght now I'm thinking fuck them all, and just end it. I take <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> enough to put me to sleep permanantly...
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Please don't end it!! None of what's happening is your fault; it sounds like she's messing with you, which is an awful thing for her to do. You don't deserve that, and you DEFINITELY don't deserve to die!
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, limow (living in my own world). I'm so sorry that you're feeling this badly.

    You really went out of your way to help your friend. You were being a good friend and didn't do anything to deserve her anger. I can see how frustrating the situation could feel. Perhaps your friend is feeling mixed up right now, too. If her bf is abusive, she might be very scared about leaving. She might have just needed to blow off steam, and the missed meeting for the two of you was a convenient reason. At any rate, I expect that neither of you meant to miss the meeting and have a mix-up.

    Could you talk with her and see what her explanation is? (and you could explain how hurt and annoyed you feel)

    Please don't do anything rash and self-destructive. Right now, you're hurt and tired - not the best place to be for major life and death decisions. Please stay safe. :hug:

    *Also, just a reminder to all reading/posting - we can't discuss methods as that's against the forum rules - and I've edited the OP accordingly.*
  4. loudecibels

    loudecibels Member

    Anyone who is that mad at you for going out of your way to help her out is a lunatic. Maybe try cell phones and other communication other than just MSN to try and get together, especially if you're using highly-inafficient methods of transportation like the bus to meet up. It just sounds like a very emotional moving time...but for the love of GOD! Don't resort to ending your life over the feelings of an emotional person to the extent where they get so angry at you for checking up with you at the wrong time. She should be grateful for any steps in helping her move.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You did nothing wrong!!! You went out of your way to help a friend.. She is the one who is unstable..Sounds like her abusive boyfriend still controls her..Only she can remove herself from that situation.. Don't let her get you caught up in the middle of it..Look out for #1...It definitely is not worth taking your life over..Stay Safe!!
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    thank you for replying to my message. I had a good cry and decided to go to sleep. I guess in the heat of the moment I was really down but now I don't feel suicidal.

    I think I expected too much from my friend. I'm the kind of person that gives a 100% to my friends and family members. I don't know why I'm like that, but I think sometimes I try too hard. I think I have the saving syndrome. I seem to attract people who need to be saved. I gotta learn not to do that anymore.

    I'm still upset about the turn of events...although I dont think she meant it. I think she doesnt know where she's going and is making poor decisions. I'm not going to interfere because it's her life not mine.
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    That's correct. And now you need to take care of you!
  8. Alexpt2

    Alexpt2 Well-Known Member

    what exactly were you expecting from her? sex???

    friends help each other out cause they want to.....not cause they expect payback.
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :blink: sex? Are you insane? did you bother to read the original message or just decided to put your two cent in the middle of nowhere?
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry she has treated you so badly.
    You didn't deserve that. There are women out there that will treat you right and respect you,please don't give up xx
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