I guess since I searched this site out there's some part of me that doesn't want this, doesn't want to die. But I can't help feeling like everything would be much better for me if I did kill myself. I tried when I was 15 numerous times and many times failed the final time when my parents found out and rushed me to hospital they lost a lot of respect for me and therefor put me off doing it again. But lately I'm just crawling back into that place, I have no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. My older sister is 29 and has 4 kids 2 of whom she lost to her ex husband, she's unbelieveable and tried to kill herself just a few weeks ago, she's now living with my parents and making their lives hell so me going home from university is just hell. My oldest niece and nephew I'd always said were my life and one of the reasons I wouldn't kill myself, I always wanted to give them a better life when I left university cause I could apply to become their legal guardians. Now thanks to my sisters actions that can't happen. My ex brother in-law also recently accused me of child abuse (hitting my niece) which was beyond me why he'd say this aside from a media video I made while in college (which had video footage of a hand coming down supposedly towards a child but obviously not) things like this just tend to get me down as you can assume. I have an aunty who is constantly trying to make my life hell, she's torn my family apart and claimed me to be the devils child, to my knowledge I can never understand what I ever did wrong to her but she hates me and makes it blatently clear that she does. It hurts especially when she's tried to tell me my deceased grandparents and my aunt ,who I loved dearly, hated me with a passion I don't know what to believe anymore. My housemates at university are slowly making my life hell I know it's just girls bitching but I feel like a social retard I've lost all confidence and faith in people for how they treat me. It's mentally painful I think thats the main thing thats getting me down. I generally just feel depressed between having a lack of family support, lack of friends at university and lack of life in general. I'm failing my course despite trying my hardest. I feel like a failure in a person an ultimate waste of space, I just don't see a point in me continuing to breath air in an already over populated world. I'm never going to contribute anything and if so many people around me hate me and I'm unable to understand why then maybe it would be better for me to just go. So many people hate me, I'm a nice person I never do anything wrong to people I go out of my way to make people happy and try to help, thats just in my character. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I just want to end everything. I've been staring at a pair of scissors for the last half hour, I haven't slit my wrists for years and I thought I was past that. I'm just so lost.