enough

Discussion in 'Let it all out...' started by special_needs, Nov 15, 2006.

  1. special_needs

    special_needs Well-Known Member

    Damn im getting crazy!
    I usually prefer to not post any of my problems here, because i would be wasting your time. But damn i cant handle this anymore!!!!
    My life is just so empty, I wish I was brave enough to just kill myself.
    First, I cant act like myself in front of people…. And that means I live my life representing a person im not, and it is really hard cause sometimes I act in a very strange way and I do things I don’t want to… So, theres no one who really understands me, or someone I simply trust and tell my problems… I FEEL SO F*CKING ALONE! I never, and I really mean NEVER felt ok when I was talking to someone… I cant trust my parents, my “friends”, anyone. sometimes I feel that I care too much about everything, but damn what can I do about that!?
    I’m also too much shy, and non-confident, and I have low self-esteem. And i´m bi-polar, and have social anxiety… So Im always home, just wondering about what normal people do. I mean, about what useful people do.
    In school, im far from being a good student, and that makes me even more useless…
    And of course, there is the society thing. Im soooo veryy ugly, im even scared of mirrors, and society is so badly based on looks that im always excluded of everyting, people prefer to not talk to me….. and I understand them, i´ve to admit…. So this makes me feel even more pointless, cause i´ll have to be like this for the rest of my life.
    I just cant understand why im still alive… I mean, theres nothing good in my life…

    Right now im cutting so badly, I don’t know how to hide this many longer…. I wish I had someone with me, someone caring about me…. :cry:
     
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Lokicth, I am really sorry I am only seeing this post now, despite how it might seem you are not wasting our time. :hug:

    I am sorry that you feel you can't talk to your parents or friends, what about a teacher or your doctor?
    It's important your doctor knows how bad you feel so that he can treat you properly, do you have a counselor? If not perhaps you could speak to your doctor about getting one, or maybe you have a counselor in your school?
    We do care about you, I care about you, if you would like to chat , please pm me.

    :hug: Hazel